Dealing With It
by WriteToLive
Summary: A year after Nightfall, Jack's finding things hard going. Life's tough with Teri...can someone else help? The sequel to my 'Week after Nightfall' fic.
1. Default Chapter

Dealing With It – Part I

Tony walked over to Nina's desk with a scowl on his face. It was well after 1am and he wasn't happy being saddled with the night shift – it was supposed to be his day off tomorrow but his boss had cancelled it on him. Now Tony was taking his bad mood out on everyone around him.

Nina saw him coming and groaned inwardly, but she kept a neutral expression on her face and fixed her eyes squarely on her computer monitor. She just hoped he had a valid reason for coming over and wasn't just going to bend her ear about having to work tonight. She'd been called in too but wasn't complaining about it.

'Hey.' He perched, uninvited, on the edge of her desk.

'What's up Tony?'

'Oh nothing. I just wondered what the hell we've been dragged in here for. Thought you might have an idea.'

Nina sighed to herself. Obviously just bending her ear then... 'We're here because Jack asked us to be here. To work Tony. So maybe we should do that huh?'

'That's bull. There's nothing going on. Why'd he call us in to overhaul the systems? IT could do that tomorrow.'

'I don't know Tony. Maybe there's something coming in tomorrow and he doesn't want any system glitches holding it up. Why don't you ask him if it bothers you that much?'

Tony's eyes shifted up to Jacks office where the blonde head of their boss could be seen bent over his desk, engrossed in some files.

'I don't need to ask him Nina. I know why. He was supposed to clock out seven hours ago – and just because he's trying to work himself in to an early grave, he figures he'll take the rest of us down with him What the hell is his problem anyway?'

Nina thought she had a pretty good idea but wasn't about to share it with Tony. She too glanced up at Jack, then brought her eyes down to rest on her dark haired colleague.

'Tony _I don't know!_ Its one night out of your life. Why don't you go do something, it'll pass the time.'

Tony's scowl deepened and he looked like he was about to say something else. He managed to bite it back at the last minute, got up and stormed back to his own terminal where he began bashing keys with a malice they didn't deserve.

Nina turned back to her screen, stifling a small smile. Tony was so emotional, it always entertained her. Oh, he was a nice enough guy – but he was like an open book sometimes. And he disliked Jack so much coming to work was almost fun. She got on well with both of them so she had a front row seat for most of the entertainment. Of course, she got more out of Tony – Jack definitely _wasn't _emotional. Not unless he was angry. But now she thought about it, anger seemed fairly synonymous with Jack these days...

She hit 'print' after she'd finished a batch of system updates that she'd been working on and went to get herself a coffee. After a second she had a thought, and poured a second mug –very strong with creamer, no sugar. Holding two mugs in one hand and retrieving the updates from her desk with the other, she made her way up to Jack's office. The door was open but he hadn't heard her come up the stairs.

'Knock knock.' His head jerked up at the sound of her voice. 'Got the next lot of overhaul results for you. You said you wanted to look them over before we sent them over to IT.' She handed them over and put the coffee down on his desk.

Jack ran a hand through his hair as his other one flicked the file open. 'Thanks Nina.' He didn't say anything else and seemed to be expecting her to leave. She didn't, just stood in front of his desk sipping her coffee. After a pause he noticed she was still there and looked up from the file. 'Was there something else?'

'Well, I was just wondering if you were OK Jack. I mean, its pretty quiet around here at the moment and your shift was over hours ago. Why don't you take off? I can hold the fort here until the day shift show up.'

Jack shifted uneasily in his chair. He WAS getting tired, he'd been working since 6am. But he didn't want to go yet...

'No, I'm going to stay a little longer. Those glitches in the system are becoming a problem and we can't afford to have them keep happening. I want to make sure we get rid of them once and for all.'

I bet you do, thought Nina. I bet it's nice and convenient too, having an excuse not to go home...

'Whatever you say Jack. But I can take it from here, really. You look like you could use some sleep and you're due back in a few hours anyway.'

Jack gave a tight smile and gave in. 'OK OK – I'll just look through these updates, then I'll go. Happy?'

Nina smiled back and headed for the door. Jack watched her go then called out as she got to the door. 'Nina?'

She looked back over her shoulder.

'Thanks for the coffee.'

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Jack finally left CTU at 2:30am when his eyes were threatening to close on their own. He said goodnight to Nina, ignored the scowl from Tony and walked slowly to the elevator that would take him to his car. He wasn't in any hurry – although surely Teri would be asleep when he got in. He hoped so anyway. He pulled out of the underground parking lot and headed towards Santa Monica, windows rolled down so the cool March air could blow into his face and help keep him awake. As was usual during his drive home, he tuned out the landscape around him and operated on autopilot while his mind wandered.

It was a year since Nightfall, the failed mission that seemed to have invaded his life, the nightmare that was never too far from his thoughts. The raw pain of it had abated, on the surface at least. Unfortunately, it had never gone away underneath and he was still haunted by images from that fateful night in Kosovo. He remembered well how he had promised himself he'd get to the bottom of what had happened, find out who had sold him and his team out...but he hadn't. Every time he tried he drew a blank, hit a dead end – and it was driving him crazy. The anger he'd felt at the time was nothing to what he felt now – it had formed a core in his mind that the rest of his emotions seemed to pass through on their way to the surface. As a result, he seemed to be angry about everything. He recognised this in an abstract sort of way but couldn't – or wouldn't – find a way to stop it. Sometimes he thought that being angry was the only way to make it through a day, it was like the energy that the rest of his body lived off.

But sometimes, like now, he was too tired to deal with it. 20 hour days, like the one he'd just pulled, were becoming more frequent. Jack didn't spend much time analysing why this was, but as he pulled into his driveway the tight knot in his stomach told him at least one reason why. He only got that knot when he came home.

He pulled his briefcase off the seat beside him, got out and walked to the front door. All the lights were off and the house was totally still. His tension calmed a little bit – obviously everyone inside was asleep. Jack opened the door as quietly as he could and took care not to make any noise when closing and locking it. He placed his briefcase on his desk in his office, then crept up the hallway towards his bedroom. A look inside – yes, she was asleep – and he walked into the bathroom, careful not to turn on the light or make any loud noises. And then, just as he was getting into bed....

'Jack?' He sighed silently.

'Yeah honey. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.'

Teri turned over to face him as he lay down on his back and said in a sleepy voice 'Where have you been? You didn't call....I was worried.'

Jack didn't answer for a moment. 'I'm sorry Teri. Things just got a bit hectic at the office. I didn't get a chance.'

'Mmmm...' She was drifting off again...but not before moving closer to him and putting an arm over his chest protectively. Teri slipped into a quiet slumber and Jack stared at the ceiling, wishing he could turn away from her, get her arm off him. He'd wait. Moving might wake her up again – and he didn't want that.

Teri breathed heavily in a comfortable sleep. Jack stared into the darkness without moving and listened to each second clicking by off the clock on his bedside table.


	2. Dealing With It Part 2

Dealing With It – Part 2.

Jack had finally dropped off to sleep at about 3:30am with Teri's arm wrapped firmly around him. His alarm woke him at 5:15am and he hit the silence button quickly in the hope that the noise wouldn't wake Teri. It worked too – she stirred and mumbled something, but didn't fully awaken. Jack was relieved, he felt tired and irritable and his eyes were gritty from lack of sleep. He tried to avoid thinking about the twelve hours of work ahead of him, it made him want to crawl back into bed straight away.

He managed to slide out from underneath Teri's arm without disturbing her and he walked straight into a freezing cold shower. He winced as the frigid water hit him but it served its purpose, he woke up instantly. Feeling a little better, Jack towelled off and walked back to the bedroom while busily drying his hair – so he didn't notice that Teri was sitting up in bed, looking at him with an unhappy expression on her face.

As soon as he noticed her, Jack felt defensive and on edge. He'd been noticing more and more that he felt this way when he was at home, despite the promise he'd made to himself a year ago that he would act normally when he was with his family. They'd started to fight a lot more often, even Kim was noticing it. They weren't full blown arguments usually, just spats where one or the other would be irritable and snap at the other. Well, thought Jack, actually it's nearly always me that's the snappy one....

He decided to make a proper effort. He sat down on the bed next to Teri and stared deeply into her eyes. She didn't say anything, just looked back – so he leaned in and kissed her. Not a chaste, married-for-fifteen-years kiss...a kiss with the same level of passion as when they were teenagers. Teri was obviously surprised because it took her a second to respond – but then she melted into his arms and responded in kind.

Jack pulled back eventually, touched his forehead to hers and whispered huskily 'I'm sorry I didn't call last night honey. I just got busy. I love you.' Teri smiled at him.

'It's alright Jack. Just try to remember if it happens again OK? I was worried and Kim was asking where you were.'

'I will. I'm sorry baby.' He pecked her on the lips again and got up to get dressed. Teri watched him all the time, wondering what he was thinking. He hadn't kissed her like that in ages! She admitted to herself that she wished he didn't have to go to work now, that kiss was electric!...but she didn't say anything. She knew he'd just refuse to stay, citing work, and it would irritate him that she bothered him with something she knew he couldn't do.

He smiled at her as he quietly left their bedroom, wearing a navy blue suit. She didn't see him wiping his lips on the back of his hand as he walked down to the kitchen, not even realising that he was doing it.

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Traffic was heavy that morning as Jack made his way into work. He was beginning to regret staying so late at work the night before, the effects of the cold shower were starting to wear off. He couldn't help constantly yawning as he sat stationary on the freeway – what the hell was the hold-up this early? He checked his watch – 5:40am. He should still make it on time.

He sat back and tried to wake up. Jack noticed that the nervous tension in his stomach had disappeared and he felt much more relaxed now he was out of the house. Teri had been strange this morning – he'd expected her to be annoyed at him for being so late last night. But no, she'd just looked at him, watched him with no expression on her face. It was odd. Jack's tired brain spent a couple of minutes trying to work out what she'd been thinking...then dismissed it and turned his thoughts to the day ahead.

'The overhaul should be finished by now,' he thought. 'That means we can reboot all the ongoing investigation files onto the mainframe and put it all back together again.....' and so on and so on. He was still planning the day in his mind when he reached the parking garage, just a couple of minutes before 6.

The first thing he noticed when walking onto the floor at CTU was that Nina was still there. Her shift had finished a couple of minutes ago but she was over at Jamey's terminal, leaning over her and murmuring something that looked important from the expression on her face. Jack changed direction and walked over to them.

'Morning. Everything alright?'

Nina straightened up with a guilty look on her face. Jamey kept her eyes firmly forward and neither of them said anything.

'What's going on?' Jack frowned, he didn't like not getting answers when he asked for them.

Nina spoke first. 'Um...Jack, could we talk in your office please?'

He looked from Nina's face to Jamey's and back again. A distinct note of annoyance appeared in his voice when he asked 'What's the problem Nina?'

She sighed. 'There was a problem with the file transfers after the overhaul was finished. We've lost some work.'

'WHAT?!!' Jack almost yelled, he hadn't meant to speak so loudly. But he was furious and Nina was in no doubt of that. 'What work? Which files?'

'Jack its nothing too major and we're working on retrieving them now. I was just telling Jamey what I wanted her to do...'

Jack cut across her. 'Nina, in my office NOW. Jamey, keep working but I'll need to speak to you n a few minutes.' He stalked across to the stairs, Nina following behind.

Jack was so angry! He left the office behind for a couple of hours, and the whole place goes to sh!t! He hadn't even put his briefcase down yet and already things were going to hell!

'Nina what the hell happened?! I've only been gone three hours for Chris' sakes!! You said you were OK with being left in charge!' Jack was leaning over his desk, red in the face and trying not to shout.

'We're not sure what happened! We'd finished the overhaul and were putting all the files back into the system. There was a line surge or something – some files got wiped. We think we've got them backed up, we just need to find them.'

Jack slumped back into his chair, he rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. 'Who was rebooting the files?'

Nina hesitated. She didn't like to name names but she knew Jack wouldn't stand for it being glossed over. 'It was Jamey. But I was in charge, I should have been supervising more closely.'

Jack respected the way Nina took responsibility and calmed down a little, a fact that was not lost on Nina. She rarely missed anything with regards to Jack. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand.

'Which files did we lose?'

Nina named three different sets of files, all on-going investigations. Jack swore under his breath. 'You do realise that if we can't get them back , we'll have to re-do all the damned work! There are confessions in those files! What if the people involved decide to retract their statements? Christ Nina, we'll have to do the whole lot again!'

His temper was flaring again and Nina tried to head off the explosion. 'Jack, if there's any more work involved, I'll take care of it. It's my responsibility.'

Jack didn't respond. He was so tired, his brain didn't seem to be working properly. This was NOT what he needed – Mason and Chappelle were bound to chew him out over it and he really wasn't in the mood to deal with those guys. He shook himself, told himself to wake up. Ruminating like this wasn't getting anything done, he needed to fix this.

'Where's Tony?'

'He went home.'

'He came in at eleven last night, right?' Nina nodded and Jack said decisively 'Bring him back in.'

'Uh...he's really not going to like that Jack.' She knew as soon as she said it, it was a mistake and this was confirmed when her boss exploded in her face.

'I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF HE LIKES IT OR NOT!!' Heads all over the floor turned to look up at the office. 'GET HIM BACK IN HERE!' Jack took a deep breath, tried to control himself. 'Then send Jamey up here – and you...you go home. I'll see you tonight.'

Nina wisely didn't say anything else, just nodded and left the office. She left Jack swinging his chair angrily over to his computer. She fought to hide the smile that threatened to cross her features. And she'd thought it was only Tony that was entertaining? When Jack got going, he really went for it! She idly wondered – and not for the first time – whether that carried over into other areas of his life as well.....

She sent a quaking Jamey up to see Jack, then dealt with a furious Tony over the phone. As she left CTU, she felt a familiar elation bubbling inside her. The files were gone, they would not be found, and the 'mistake' was untraceable. She'd volunteer to redo the work – which would make Jack grateful (just HOW grateful, she wondered?) – and certain things that had been on record before...wouldn't be anymore.

She grinned as she got into her car. All in all, a good nights work.


	3. Dealing With It Part 3

Dealing With It – Part 3

Jack was relieved when the weekend came round – and dreaded it at the same time. He was relieved because he actually had a couple of days off and he had to admit to himself, he needed the rest. Dreading it because – well, things still weren't so good at home....and on Sunday it was the one year anniversary of Nightfall.

He woke late on Saturday morning, to an empty bed. Teri was either doing housework or grocery shopping or whatever it was she did on Saturdays. There was no music blaring loudly down the hall, so Kim was obviously out. Jack stretched luxuriously in bed, relishing the peace. His mind automatically shifted towards the office and the week ahead, but he managed to stop himself – he'd told himself that this weekend was going to be about peace and relaxation, as far as that was possible with the next day looming in his mind.

Never the type to be able to lie still, after a couple of minutes Jack jumped up and threw on his running clothes. Five miles later he was out of breath and sweating profusely, but he felt calm and relaxed. He got back to house full of noise and activity but he didn't mind for once. He'd hardly seen Kim all week because he'd put in so many hours at CTU and he was looking forward to being able to spend some time with his little girl.

What he saw when he walked through the door though, nothing prepared him for that. He felt fear grip him like an iron fist round his heart.....teenage girls! Everywhere! There were at least six of them, roaming around the house, giggling at everything, talking in loud voices over the blare of some rock band coming from the stereo. Jack stood in the middle of it all in his shorts and T- shirt, feeling like a stranded traveller on the Planet Teen. Two girls clutched each other when they saw him standing there – then, blatantly staring at his legs, they burst into uncontrollable giggles. Jack thought that if he were completely naked, he couldn't have felt as exposed as he did right then – and for God's sake man! You haven't even got an escape route planned! He mentally kicked himself, then grinned with relief when he saw Kim emerge from her bedroom, a gaggle of girls behind her.

'Daddy!' Kim walked up to him and went to give him a hug but then stopped. 'Eww! You're all sweaty!'

Jack laughed and enveloped her in a hug anyway, which Kim pretended to fight to get out of. He was so happy that moment – he had a 14 year old daughter that wasn't embarrassed to cuddle him in front of her friends. He felt like the luckiest man in the world – and when he looked up, it was straight into Teri's laughing blue eyes. His face broke into the first spontaneous grin he'd given for a long time.

Teri was happy watching him too. She loved the relationship that Jack had with Kim and rather than being jealous that she was a Daddy's girl, she was glad that Kim had someone who loved her so madly. Jack was a wonderful role model for his daughter – in the sense that Kim would hopefully want to marry a man that treated her as well as Jack did. Although with any luck, Kim's future husband would be around a bit more than Jack used to be....Teri banished the negative thought at once. He seemed to be in a good mood and Teri wasn't going to ruin it by thinking sad thoughts. Jack had few enough good moods nowadays, she decided instantly to make the most of this one.

Jack released his daughter from the playful struggle but kept an arm around her shoulders. 'So what are you up to today honey?'

'The girls and I are going shopping Dad. Which reminds me – can I have my allowance please?' Jack rolled his eyes theatrically and went for his wallet, handing over some cash – and adding an extra $20. He winked at Kim and she laughed, knowing that he meant she wasn't to tell her mother about it. As Jack walked down to the bedroom for a much needed shower, with his arm round Teri, he distinctly heard one of the girls whisper loudly,

'Kim, your Dad's so cute!' Teri stifled an uproarious laugh, her shoulders shaking with the effort and Jack turned lobster red as a loud 'EWWW!' from Kim reverberated up the hall. Then with a final swirl of coats and purses, a last long scream of high-pitched voices, the stereo was turned off, the front door slammed and silence suddenly reigned in the house.

Jack stopped in his tracks, his arm still around Teri. 'My God...you hear that?'

Teri laughed. 'Who would've thought the absence of noise could be so loud.'

He turned to face her with his arms wrapped round her waist. Jack looked into her face and tried to work out what she was thinking – she was so expressionless just now! Why was it he could tell when a perfect stranger was lying to him, but could barely read his own wife? But then she broke into a huge grin and Jack couldn't help but smile back. He walked her backwards gently until her back touched the wall, then leaned in for a long, passionate kiss, their bodies pressed tightly together. Jack lost himself entirely in his wife, his only thought was that it felt so good to be held.

Teri put her hands against his chest and gently pushed him away. The first wave of hurt and rejection started to wash over him, until she said softly.... 'You need a shower Jack....'

The invitation was there and he wasn't turning it down. In one swift movement he scooped her up into his arms and carried her laughing into the bathroom, 'If I'm taking a shower – so are you....'

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Later that afternoon, as they lay entwined in each others arms, Jack tried to remember the last time they'd done this. Just held each other, made love in the afternoon, with no stress or tension between them He was shocked to discover that he couldn't really remember the last time it had been – or maybe he could.....yes! It was a year ago, just before he'd left for Kosovo. She'd been saying goodbye to him for a couple of weeks, he'd been saying goodbye with the possibility that he might never come back.

And after Nightfall was over – if it could ever be called over – well, he'd never felt the same since. Everything he did, everything he thought somehow seemed to relate back to that one mission. The things that had happened afterwards – that one mad weekend when he'd almost fallen apart – seemed to have shaped his life permanently.

For one thing, he'd made the decision to keep his work completely away from Teri and Kim and he was surprised by how difficult it had proven to be. Oh, it was OK not telling them what he did all day, he'd never been able to do that anyway. But emotionally, it was a different matter. Jack recognised that he'd been working like a man possessed, he could see that he was spending twice as much time at CTU than he was at home. He also knew that this wasn't really fair on either of his girls. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop himself. The need to try and get to the bottom of what happened still ate away at him, still compelled him to push himself harder than ever. And for the time being, that couldn't change. He couldn't make himself change it. He just hoped Teri would continue to be as understanding as she had been up until now. But...when he looked back on the last month or two...when he faced up to reality...he had to admit that the strain was starting to tell. On both of them. It was getting harder to pretend that he was alright.

But for now, for this afternoon, they were happy. Jack wasn't going to waste this day, he could admit to himself that he wasn't sure when they'd get another one like it. And tomorrow....Jack pushed the thought away.

He looked down at his sleeping wife. She looked so peaceful in his arms, like she belonged nowhere else. And she didn't, just like he didn't belong with anyone but her. So why couldn't he come home to this and feel at ease with himself? With her? Jack just couldn't understand it.

He leant down and kissed the top of Teri's head, making her stir. She opened her eyes and stared up at him, noting the worried look in his eyes. Teri wanted nothing more in the world than to take that worry away....

'What time will Kim be back?' he whispered.

She smiled, her delicate features radiant. 'Not until late.' Teri kissed her husband, this man she loved so completely and for the next hour, there was no more worry in his blue green eyes.


	4. Dealing With it Part 4

Dealing With It - Part 4

Nina opened the door of her house with ease, despite the fact that she was balancing six bags of groceries in her arms. Walking over to the kitchen, she deposited the bags on the counter top and immediately started putting things away, working quickly and with an economy of movement.

Anyone that happened to come to Nina's place would have almost found it surprising that a person lived there at all. Oh, the house wasn't bare – all the proper furniture was present, neatly arranged, and the place was nicely decorated with pictures on the walls and curtains that coordinated with the furnishings. It was just – impersonal. There was no stamp of individuality on the décor. And it was too neat. There was not a thing out of place, no magazines littering the surfaces, no unwashed cups in the sink. It was like an apartment that real estate agents used as a show house to sell real homes to people. Everything looked like it had been ordered straight from a catalogue and installed at the same time to avoid trouble – which was exactly what had happened.

Nina finished putting her shopping away, picked up her mail from the doormat and walked over to the second bedroom, which she used as an office. Again, there was none of the usual clutter of files and paperwork that you would normally associate with an office, files lined the walls in neat rows, loose papers were carefully stacked in an in-tray. She sat at her desk and began to open an assortment of the usual sort of correspondence – mainly bills and junk mail. Being the type of person that took care of chores immediately, she methodically went through the letters, replying to what needed replying to, writing checks for credit card bills and car insurance.

Her mind wandered as she performed these mundane tasks – and as was most often the case nowadays, she noted that her thoughts immediately turned towards Jack. She sighed, stopped what she was doing and leant back in her chair, resting her arms comfortably on the padded sides.

What was it with that man? She couldn't seem to stop thinking about him. Even when she was at work, when her mind was supposed to be at its most focussed, she found herself idly wondering what it would feel like to kiss him, whether the passion he brought to his job would translate itself to his bedroom.

And yet....there was more to it than that. It wasn't simply that she found him attractive, she could have dealt with simple lust. No it was...Nina swore under her breath and tried to stop thinking about it. She'd fought this and fought this, time and again – but there was something about spending another beautiful Saturday on her own that seemed to make her unable to stop wondering....what would it be like to just....be with him. Not just sleep with him – but...spend time together. Go to movies. Walk on the beach and have dinner at a restaurant overlooking the ocean. Even go away together? Maybe it would nice to be able to share a closeness. There was something about Jack that when he turned his attention to her, she really felt like he listened. Respected her opinion. There was no denying that they were close as colleagues, Tony had even gone so far as to comment on it, enquiring caustically as to whether they were joined at the hip. She'd shot him down of course, she couldn't have him overstepping the mark like that, but still....

Of course, Jack could be an a$$hole sometimes. He had the most fiery temper she'd ever come across and could be fairly insufferable when someone made an unnecessary mistake. His standards were very high and he demanded that everyone reached the bar that he set himself, worked with the same level of commitment he did – and that was difficult for a lot of people to handle. Because when it came to the job, there was no one quite like Jack. Nina felt glad that she could match him technically, if not out in the field – well, not that he knew about anyway – because it meant their working relationship had got that much closer.

Anyway, even when he was being an a$$hole he intrigued her. There was something about that commitment, that patriotism, that belief in the system that he carried around with him - which she found incredibly sexy. Maybe it was because she couldn't understand how he felt that way. Where he'd got this passion from. Because she certainly didn't have it. It was almost as though being close to someone like him made her feel....better. As though his righteous belief might rub off on her somehow. And sometimes....sometimes she really wanted it to.

Because of course, there was the other thing. The thing that was so deep in Nina's make up that she rarely even thought about it anymore. Which was, naturally, what being a deep cover mole was all about. She wasn't someone trained to act like Nina Myers, trained to live her life – it WAS her life. Getting a college degree and working for a government agency wasn't something she'd had faked into her background, it was something she'd done, something she'd lived. She was everything her CTU files said she was – there were just one or two things left out.

Nina had been telling herself for over a year now that she needed to get close to Jack for information. It wasn't true. In fact, in her secret life, Jack didn't really come into the equation at all. She didn't really need him for details of the inside workings of CTU. If she wanted to know what he knew, there were ways in which she could find out, and anyway, she was second-in-command. Her security clearance was pretty high on its own. No...all she had to do with Jack was get him to trust her – and she'd done that a long time ago. Her continued surveillance of him and his habits was now, simply, because she liked doing it. Of course she would exploit any opportunities she came across, like the 'glitch' that had wiped those files a few days ago – but when it came to Jack......Nina sighed again. She just didn't know. He seemed to like her, seemed to rely on her judgement more than anyone else's. And she'd seen him looking at her sometimes in a way that wasn't strictly professional.

But he was married, and very married at that. She'd heard other women talking about him on the occasions she'd been out socially with her female colleagues, and they all reached the same conclusion. It was a travesty that such a man was off the market – but he was, and nothing would change that. None of them ever thought there was a chance of him becoming available. Nina wasn't so completely sure about that but she kept her thoughts to herself. After seeing him last year when he'd come back from some mission overseas, he'd met her in a bar and....what? Nothing had happened. But she'd got the feeling he'd wanted it to, and he'd certainly been acting very differently to how he did before he went away.

Nina mentally shook herself out of her reverie. This wasn't getting anything done. Maybe there was a slight chink in the armour of Jack, a chance of.....something.....but she'd have to be patient. There was no rush. Anyway, she had a date tonight. Some guy from IT. He was boring and not very attractive – but he knew about the new computer protocols that were being brought in next month and she thought there might be a chance to slip something in the backdoor while the changes were being put in place. Something that she hoped she'd never need to use....but it never hurt to be careful. You could never have too many escape routes.

She laughed out loud as she cleared her desk. Jack would have said the same thing. Only not about this....


	5. Dealing With It Part 5

Dealing With It – Part 5

Teri emerged from the shower feeling better than she had for a long time. She walked into the bedroom, towelling her hair and smiled as she looked down at Jack still sleeping peacefully. He looked so relaxed as he breathed quietly she thought her heart would burst, so strong was the wave of love that washed through her. Teri sat carefully on the edge of the bed so she didn't wake him and studied his face. It was so long since she'd seen him look like this, she wanted to remember it. Who knew what mood he'd be in when he woke up?

Her eyes travelled over Jack's face and it was hard for Teri to believe how different he looked. Normally he looked stressed and worried or angry or tired – or just...blank. She thought back to years ago, when he didn't carry any of that around with him, when he looked like he did now all the time. Even when he was in the Army and away all the time, he managed to be relaxed at home. She and Kim were used to seeing him laughing and smiling, being playful and loving. But since he started at CTU, things had changed. He laughed a lot less and seemed distracted most of the time. He used to be so tactile too – but he hardly touched her now. Well, he was rarely away from the office so when did he have a chance to anyway?

Teri was in too good a mood to get resentful right now, she just missed him that was all. The last few hours had been a wonderful reminder of the way things used to be, when they were younger and couldn't keep their hands off each other. Well, she chuckled softly to herself, keeping their hands off each other had never been a priority for either of them – which only served as a reminder to how much things had changed in the last year or so. She studied him once more. This was the finest man she'd ever known – and he was hers. Not as much as he used to be, but still hers.

She laid a hand on his bare chest and shook him gently. Kim would be back soon, he needed to get up. He stirred and opened his eyes, smiled sleepily when he saw Teri looking at him.

'Hey honey.' He took the hand that was still on him and used it to gently pull her down on him so he could kiss her. Teri laughed softly.

'Don't start again Jack. Kim will be back soon, you'd better get up.' He groaned in mock exasperation and let her sit up.

'Mmmm OK.' He sat up too and started kissing her again. Teri giggled and pushed him away.

'Enough mister! You want our daughter to walk in and see us like this?' Jack released her at once and pulled a disgusted look at the thought. 'Didn't think so. I'll go make a start on dinner.' Teri was almost out of the door when she turned and said 'I forgot to tell you, Teresa and Dave are coming over to eat tonight. They'll be here in a couple of hours. I forgot to buy more beer, could you run out and get some? Thanks honey.'

Jack flopped back onto his pillows. Teresa and Dave? Damn! They were friends of Teri's – well, he'd known them long enough to count them as friends too, he supposed. Teresa was nice, very sweet – but Dave was a jackass. An LAPD jackass at that. Jack really didn't feel like having to entertain tonight but he remembered that he'd sworn to himself to make more of an effort with Teri. So with that in mind dragged himself into the shower – smiling at the memories of what had happened in there a few hours ago – and then threw on some jeans and a white T-shirt. When he went to grab his car keys from the kitchen he saw Teri making a salad and couldn't resist wrapping his arms round her waist from behind.

'What're we having?'

'Steak and....something.' Teri smiled. 'I haven't thought that far ahead yet. You distracted me this afternoon.'

Jack chuckled softly in her ear and kissed her neck. 'I did huh?' He turned her round in his arms and looked into her eyes with a solemn expression on his face. 'Teri, I know I haven't been behaving very well lately. I just wanted to tell you that I love you.' He kissed her softly, then picked up his car keys and headed to the store. Teri was left standing with a knife in her hand, wondering where this sweet behaviour was coming from all of a sudden. She took a deep breath and went back to preparing dinner. She wasn't going to complain but... he'd looked so serious. It should have made her happy, his words, his kisses. And it did – but it made her feel uneasy too. Everything with Jack was just a little disconcerting at the moment but she couldn't put her finger on why.

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Jack got into his SUV and headed towards the nearest 7-11. He still felt pretty good but wasn't too happy about the prospect of company that evening. Dave would want to talk about work stuff and he always ribbed Jack about the time he'd spent with the LAPD, years ago when he'd been attached to them for Special Weapons and Tactics training. Jack knew why – Dave felt inferior being a cop when Jack was Director of an entire branch of CTU. He was an egotistical man and always jibed Jack with sly comments that he knew Teresa and Teri wouldn't pick up on.

He turned into the small parking lot at the store, turned the engine off and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. Well, he'd just have to put up with it. Who knows, maybe the guy wouldn't be such a prick this time.

Jack went into the store and got beer and some more wine too, because he knew what Teri and Teresa were like. They'd pretend to be refined and protest if their wine glasses were refilled too often – and then complain when they ran out of the stuff, and start on the beer. He had a feeling he'd be wanting quite a few beers tonight himself, so he made sure there was plenty of their favourite red available. Jack snorted to himself. Yeah, right. They'd polish off whatever he bought and start on the beer anyway. They always did.

He'd just got back in his car when his cellphone rang. Throwing the bags into the trunk he grabbed it and answered before the answering service kicked in. 'Hello?'

'Jack? Its Jason.'

Jacks mind was instantly inundated with a thousand unwelcome memories. He hadn't seen Jay for a year or spoken to him for nine months. His friend had called him about once a month after seeing him last year, just to check how he was doing. But Jack was embarrassed and Jay had sensed it so had stopped calling, letting Jack make the move to get in touch if he wanted to. And Jack hadn't.

He felt bad – Jay had been brilliant with him last time they'd met, he'd watched Jack beat the crap out of two guys, seen him fall apart really – and he hadn't judged him. He'd helped, he'd taken care of some things that Jack wasn't in a position to do – and instead of being grateful to his friend, he'd ignored him. It wasn't something he'd ever have done before to a friend, but this was a slightly different situation. Still, he tried to sound as if nothing was strange between them, as though it was a nice surprise to get this call.

'Jason? Hey man. How are you?'

'Yeah I'm good. I was just....well, I know I haven't heard from you in a while Jack....and I know why...I just thought I'd give you a call, see if everything's OK.'

Jack didn't know what to say. He'd treated Jay badly, and here he was, still concerned about him. 'Yeah, I'm alright. Well...y'know how it is....' He wondered why he'd said that. It was one of those stupid conversation fillers that meant absolutely nothing at all. There was an awkward pause, neither of them really had words for this.

Jason let out a long breath, he actually sounded kind of nervous. 'Hey look Jack, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I just...remembered what weekend it was and wanted to see if you were OK. That's all.'

Jack was touched. That was a rare thing and he didn't quite know how to deal with it. He was a master at not letting other people's emotions touch him, he was used to glossing over compliments given to him and ignoring concerns directed at his wellbeing – but this came from so far out of left-field, his defences weren't up and he really didn't know what to say. He could only respond with something close to the truth and hope Jay would understand. If he didn't, he'd lose his friend eventually, he knew it.

'Jay...look, I'm really sorry man. I mean it. You helped me out a lot and I didn't treat you very well. I don't know if I even thanked you properly. I want you to know that I appreciate everything you did for me....' He stopped abruptly, not knowing how to continue. Luckily Jay made it easy for him.

'Hey, its alright Jack. I understand.....really. I just thought you might find this weekend a little rough and wanted to touch base is all. Oh and also, I'm going to be in LA for a couple of days at the beginning of May. You want to get together for a drink?' Jay hoped Jack wouldn't say no, if he did he'd know he'd lost him.

Jack let out a relieved breath. Things were still OK with them! He hadn't realised how much this unfinished situation with his friend had bothered him – he didn't like things being up in the air, but had found it all too awkward to resolve. And it was as easy as this? He felt stupid at his embarrassment, he should have known Jason was a better friend than that.

'Yes definitely! Call me when you get into town, we'll get together.'

Jay promised he would and they hung up, the friendship back on track. Jack started the car and headed for home. He felt good that the situation was better – but the conversation had brought back to the forefront of his mind the thing he'd been trying to forget all day. It was a year after Nightfall, and he was no closer to the truth he'd sworn to uncover. As he drove towards his house, Jack felt even worse about the prospect of guests for dinner. He really didn't feel like wearing his game face all evening.

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The evening had started off OK. Kim had been home when Jack got back so he was able to spend some time with her, playing a video game in the lounge where he could make fun of her lousy shooting skills. He'd purposely picked the one game he could beat her at, she kicked his ass at everything else. And she enjoyed the teasing so it was all fun. Jack felt a little more relaxed, he'd managed to push his worries to the back of his mind again.

It had even been alright when Teresa and Dave had shown up. Teri and Teresa had been friends since college, they'd been chatting and giggling non-stop in the kitchen while fixing dinner. Dave and Jack made small talk about work things and sports and pretended to be dying of starvation every time one of the women appeared. All in all, it was nowhere near as bad as Jack had feared it would be, he was on the verge of having a good time when they'd sat down at the table. He just sat back and let his mind wander, not adding much to the conversation.

But then the alcohol had started flowing a little more freely and now it was late and Jack was sitting in the lounge with a beer, trying to smile while Dave made fun of CTU's poor showing at the inter-agency softball game last summer. LAPD always had a team playing and they'd beaten Jack's team for three years in a row – something Dave had been talking about for ten minutes now while Teresa and Teri laughed along, teasing Jack too and poking fun at men in general for being so obsessed with sports anyway. Jack gritted his teeth and tried to look like he was having a good time when all he really wanted to do was to punch Dave in his stupid face.

'Ah but don't worry about it Jack....' Dave was saying, his face red from too much beer. '....I mean, you Government types sit behind your desks all day right? You aren't out on the streets like we are, dealing with the low-lifes, you cant be expected to be in the shape the cops are.'

Jack smiled politely and held his tongue. In his mind he was running through all the ways he could paralyse Dave using just a napkin, two fingers and the salad bowl that was close at hand but he guessed that Teri wouldn't really appreciate him sharing that with their guests. He let his mind wander while the jerk on the other side of the coffee table started extolling the virtues of the Yankees over the Dodgers.

What should he do tomorrow? Jack was not the sort of guy that went to graveyards and laid flowers, he always shunned that kind of public display. But....what? He felt that he owed it to his guys to do something....Jack emitted a derisive snort in his head. Yeah right. Go to a war cemetery to pay tribute? Was that was he was seriously thinking about? The idea was so ridiculous he almost laughed out loud. They'd died because they'd been set up, they weren't casualties of any glorious battle, any desperate last stand. They'd been on a dirty mission, a nasty little secret buried deep in the Government. Jack swigged at his beer. The greatest tribute he could pay would be to find the guys who did it, march into their offices with a gun and....

'Jack?'

He jerked his head up. 'What?' Teri was looking at him with an annoyed frown on her face.

'Dave was asking you a question.' He looked up at the man opposite him who was staring at him with a strange leer on his drunken face.

'Sorry Dave, I was miles away.'

'Yeah yeah man, no problem. You Feds – always with your minds above us little people....' And he was off again, being as insulting as possible while not arousing the suspicions of the ladies in the room.

Jack couldn't take anymore, he was afraid he was going to start answering Dave's crap with some sharp comments of his own. He stood up abruptly. 'Excuse me for a moment. There was something I needed to ask Kim. I'd better catch her before she goes to sleep.' He walked away, leaving Teri glaring after him. He knew it was rude but didn't care. They weren't his friends anyway, he hadn't invited them over and he'd been taking Dave's sly digs for an hour now – how much crap was he supposed to put up with?

The silence from Kim's room told him she was asleep. But he didn't rejoin his guests. He went and sat on his bed, savouring the solitude. Maybe he should go into the office tomorrow. There was so much to do and no point spending the day sitting around the house. That wouldn't get anything done and he had nothing at home that needed doing. Jack stared at the walls, thinking back to Jason's phone call, thinking of where he was a year ago, completely lost in memories. He didn't hear the front door closing as his guests left, didn't notice Teri watching him from the doorway. He only became aware of her when she stood in front of him, hands on hips and a furious look on her face.

He looked up into her face but didn't say anything and she just stared down at him, trying to work out what he was thinking behind his blank expression. Eventually she just said.

'Go to sleep Jack. We'll talk about this in the morning.'

He was confused. Talk about what? He was about to ask what she was angry about but she had already left the room. So he just sat there, wondering what he'd done wrong. He stopped thinking about it after a minute or so and his mind wandered back to Kosovo...the way it always did.

He was still there when Teri came to bed an hour later. She looked at him with anger – and some considerable worry. What was going on with him? But right now she was too angry to care that much. If he couldn't be bothered to behave properly, why should she bother pandering to his strange moods?

They lay in the darkness, not touching and not speaking. Teri couldn't stop worrying about Jack and Jack....Jack barely realised she was there.


	6. Dealing With It Part 6

Dealing With It – Part 6

Jack tossed and turned for hours that night, and what little sleep he managed to get was punctuated by horrific nightmares. He'd had them before, right after Nightfall. They'd lasted about three months, on and off. But then they'd gradually faded away and Jack had taken this as a sign that he was over it all and back to normal.

But tonight, he couldn't escape them. Every time he drifted off he was confronted by images of being chased through a frozen forest, he was forced to relive the shooting of his team, heard them screaming louder and louder. And the blood. There was blood everywhere. On the rocks around him, on the ground, the trees, on the snow – and on him. One of the images that would stay fresh in his mind when he woke up was him looking down at his hands and seeing them covered in thick red blood. That was normally when his dream self would start screaming and he'd wake up with a jolt to find himself sweating and shaking, his heart hammering in his chest and his hands gripping the bed sheets as though his life depended on it.

At about 4am Jack couldn't take it anymore and he got up quietly, so as not to wake Teri. There was no point trying to sleep. He threw on some sweatpants and a T-shirt and padded quietly down to the kitchen to make a coffee. Once that was done he headed outside onto the patio and sat himself down on one of the chairs near the pool.

He started to ask himself what was going on, but realised that he knew. Of course he knew. How could he not? He supposed he should have expected it really. Even though he told himself that he was over Nightfall, that he'd dealt with it, he knew he still felt guilty at having failed to find the people behind it. But he wasn't going to spend time thinking about them today. No – today was about the men that had died.

He thought about each of them that had been with him. He knew some better than others, but they'd all been good men and they'd formed a strong alliance. That usually happened in combat situations – when you were responsible for other men's lives and they were responsible for yours, it was inevitable really. You had to be able to trust them.

It was still early in the year – March – and the night was cold. But Jack didn't feel it at all, didn't see the pool and trees in front of him. He just stared forward with a blank expression on his face, lost in the past and the memories of dead friends.

That was how Teri found him three hours later. She'd woken up to an empty bed and had immediately got up to see if he was alright. She was still furious about his behaviour the night before, but the anger was buried under a thick layer of worry. What he'd done last night – it was so unlike him. She knew he didn't like Dave very much but he dealt with people he didn't like every day and he always managed to stay polite. He'd been that way since she'd known him, indeed, it was one of things she'd found so attractive about him when they'd first met. The way he didn't hit out at people or laugh at them, the way he treated everyone with respect even if he didn't get on with them. Of course, she didn't know if he was that way at work – but in normal life, his ability to control his emotions was usually unfailing.

Teri looked at him, sitting out by the pool, an untouched mug of coffee by his feet. She was about to open the door to go and join him....but something made her hesitate. The sun had risen and she could see his face – and what she saw made her physically scared, something she'd never felt before in Jacks presence.

It was like he was dead. He sat absolutely motionless, his feet resting flat on the floor by the chair legs, his arms relaxing on the armrests. He was slumped against the back of the chair and his face looked straight forward, with absolutely no expression on it whatsoever. She'd never seen anyone look that blank. And his eyes...his eyes were the worst part. There was no life in them at all, no emotion, no sparkle, no anger, no warmth. They were almost glazed. If it hadn't been for the slow movement of his chest, Teri would honestly think he had passed away while sitting there. She couldn't stop a thought entering her head – Who is this man? This wasn't Jack. Jack had never been this way. She didn't know this person she was looking at, he was a complete stranger to her. And that's what scared her most of all. She didn't recognise her husband anymore. As soon as she'd thought it, she realised it had been true for a while now.

Teri looked down and realised that her hand was gripping the handle of the sliding door into the back yard, gripping it so hard that her knuckles were white and the palm was beginning to hurt. She released her hold and wondered what to do. She was afraid to venture outside, literally afraid. Teri wasn't sure of what he'd do or say, for the first time in over fifteen years she had no clue how Jack would react to her. But she had to go out there. If she shied away from him now, she'd always be doing it – and she knew they couldn't last like that. She wasn't sure if they could last anyway.

That thought shocked her and she actually recoiled from the door. Where had _that _come from? Be without Jack? The concept was too incredible to even think about – they'd always been together. Even when they'd first met, it was like they'd always known each other. But as soon as she acknowledged that she'd actually thought it – it became a possibility. A horrible one, an unthinkable one – but it was there. A seed planted.

She figured he must be cold and walked to the bedroom to get a thick sweater for him. The anger she'd felt last night and this morning was all but gone, or at least, it was so mixed up with a thousand other emotions swirling through her brain, it wasn't strong enough for her to notice. Teri picked up something to keep him warm – a thick black polo-neck, his favourite – and walked back to the door. He hadn't moved.

Jack was five thousand miles away, drowning in blood. He'd been on the verge of tears for some time now – he didn't know how long, he had no concept of how long he'd been sitting there. Well, he didn't feel like he was sitting anywhere, all he saw was forests and guns. He heard only shouts in foreign voices, screams and the roar of a huge explosion. What kept him from tears was....well, something verging on panic. Although he looked relaxed as he sat, every muscle in his body was tensed to the point of pain, not that he felt it. He simply wasn't there by his pool in Santa Monica. His memories kept him in a vice-like grip, he was torn between fear and panic and grief and confusion, in a terrible melting pot of turmoil and emotion. He didn't understand any of it, he just knew he couldn't get out.

Teri walked up and sat beside him. He didn't move, didn't see her. She spoke his name softly, he didn't hear her. She was verging on panic herself now, she simply didn't know what to do. Was he sick? Should she call a doctor? She looked at his arms and noticed the goose bumps, touched him softly. He still didn't move but she felt how cold he was, dangerously cold. How long had he been out here?

She draped the sweater over the front of his body. It wasn't ideal but it would help. And then, taking a deep trembling breath, she leant forward and shook his shoulder.

'Jack?' There was no response to her softly spoken word. What if this was like sleep walking? You weren't supposed to wake them were you, in case they hurt themselves? But Jack wasn't asleep, his eyes were open and...well, this definitely wasn't sleep. It was something bad. She tried again, a little louder.

'Jack?!'

He jolted so violently that two of his chair legs left the floor. He didn't even see her at first as his eyes struggled to adjust to seeing the new surroundings. They'd been staring at something completely different for hours now, something that seemed more real than the home he'd lived in for years. He looked around with a wild look in his eyes, his face completely drained of colour and showing a look of panic and disorientation.

'Jesus...Teri?!! Don't sneak up on me like that!' Teri looked at him, incredulous.

'Sneak up on you? Jack, I've been sitting here for about five minutes. You didn't even know I was here.' She couldn't keep the worry out of her voice and was on the verge of tears herself. 'Honey, you've been out here for ages. You're freezing. What's wrong? Please Jack, tell me what's wrong.'

He looked at her like he'd never laid eyes on her in his life. Teri tried to stop the tears rolling down her face, but failed. Jack couldn't get any words out, he just looked at her, trying to understand what she was saying. What was wrong? Good question.

Teri had never felt pain like it. He wouldn't even talk to her. He just kept looking at her like he didn't recognise her. She tried to stop crying and couldn't. She was so scared! What had happened to him? Who was this man? Where had Jack gone?

Eventually, he shook his head, as if trying to clear it. 'Nothings wrong Teri. I must've dozed off.' It was a weak explanation he knew, but what was the alternative?

She wiped her eyes. 'You weren't asleep Jack. Honey, I think you need to see a doctor. Something was wrong, very wrong. You....' He cut her off abruptly.

'I don't need a doctor. There's nothing wrong with me. I was just...thinking about work that's all. You know how I get.' I used to, she thought silently. And you never got like this. But she didn't say anything. What good would it do? He wasn't going to talk to her, that much was obvious. A sudden flash of anger exploded in her. Why was he doing this to her? And why was she letting him? What had happened to them? The questions were endless and she needed answers.

'Well Jack, I think you need help. Professional help. I don't understand why you won't talk to me. You've been acting strangely for months now, you spend more time at work than you do at home, we barely talk, you hardly ever touch me. The only time you seem normal is when you're with Kimberly! What do you expect me to do? Just take your shit and not ask you about it? That's not fair Jack, and I won't do it. You used to share things with me, now I'm lucky if I get two full sentences a day out of you – that's if I see you at all....'

Jack interrupted her angrily. 'Teri be quiet. Please...just be quiet. I can't take this right now, I can't deal with it. If you've got a problem with me, I'm sorry. OK? I'm sorry for everything. But don't ask me to change it, because I can't anymore.' He stood up and started pacing around the patio.

'I've tried to keep things normal. I really have. And I'm doing the best I can. So please...just get off my back!' With that, he stormed angrily into the house, trying to keep control of the fury that was building up inside him. Teri just sat watching his retreating back, too stunned to cry or even be angry. Keep things normal? Doing the best he can? Why would he need to do any of those things? She just didn't understand any of it. And she didn't know how she could help.

Jack started getting dressed. He had to get out of here, go anywhere. Teri had no clue how hard any of this was for him and he felt stifled. Trapped. Today of all days he needed to be left alone, and she came at him asking a lot of stupid questions, giving him grief? Why couldn't she understand? If he'd been thinking rationally he would have realised that of course she didn't have a clue what the problem was – because he'd never told her. But that never occurred to his mixed up brain.

He emerged from the bedroom fully washed and dressed. He saw Teri still sitting by the pool, her head in her hands. For a split second he was tempted to go back out there and confront her with what her problem was – but no. That was just more hassle. He turned and almost walked straight into Kim, who was emerging from the kitchen.

'Oh hey sweetheart.'

'Morning Daddy! Hey, can we go to the movies today? There's something on I'd really like to see and I think you'd like it too.'

'Umm....maybe later honey. I've got some things I need to do today.' That was a lie, he had no idea what he was going to do today. But whatever it was, it wasn't going to be done here.

'Awww Dad! You never hang out with me any more!' Jack looked at her – was that true? He was sure it wasn't. But he didn't answer her plea, he just kissed her on the forehead and said softly,

'I love you baby. But I really have to go now.'

She scowled at him. 'Fine, whatever.' Then she stalked away, back to her bedroom. Jack watched her go, then turned and looked at his wife, who was watching him through the door. Their eyes locked for a second. Teri thought that for a split-second his face softened – but then it hardened again. And with a loud slam of the front door, he was gone.


	7. Dealing With It Part 7

Dealing With It – Part 7

Jack left the house, got into his car and squealed off down the road, too angry to think about where he was going. He just kept the car going forward, paying no attention to which direction he was headed. It took him a while to realise that he'd got onto the freeway – was in fact heading towards CTU. He emitted a derisive snort. Was that how pre-programmed he was? His car automatically shuttled him between home and the office? Well – not today. He got off at the next exit and began to aimlessly cruise around Westwood.

His mind was unsettled, but calming down - he could think a little clearer. But the rage was still there, boiling under the surface. It was such an ever-present thing with him now, he usually didn't notice it. But it was worse today and he couldn't help but acknowledge it...but not acknowledge it to the extent of admitting it was clouding his judgement. He felt better though, for being out of the house. The sun was shining and a change of scenery would maybe do him good.

Half an hour later and he was still driving around. It had seemed to help at first but now the traffic was starting to annoy him and he was fidgeting in his seat every time he had to stop at a light. He was also fighting to block Teri from his mind, thinking that dwelling on her would make him worse. Unfortunately, there was only one thing left for him to think about – and he didn't want to go back to Nightfall again. More than anything, he didn't want that.

Jack was scared. It was hard for him to admit that to himself, but in the end he had no choice. The fact that he'd sat for hours that morning and not been aware of the time, the things he'd been thinking of....the look on Teri's face when he'd first realized she was there – yes, he was scared. He didn't know what was happening to him, he'd thought he was over this. And as much as he wanted to spend some time today acknowledging his friends and paying them tribute – in his head at least – he couldn't go back to where he'd been that morning. He just couldn't. He felt sick with himself for being scared of it, but he just wasn't able to go through it again.

So he was left driving around, restless and edgy, unsure of where to go or what to do, fighting desperately to keep his mind blank. There was nothing left that was easy for him to think about. Jack felt uncomfortable in his own skin, as if there was something moving through his veins that he couldn't expel, a bubble in his stomach that kept getting bigger and bigger but wouldn't burst.

And that left him....where? He couldn't go home. There were no friends that he'd enforce himself on today, no one deserved to put up with him in this state. But he had to do something or he'd go crazy.

Just then his phone rang and he lunged for it without checking the called ID, desperate for any distraction.

'Jack, where are you?' He cursed silently. It was Teri.

'I'm in the car.'

A pause while she waited for him to elaborate. He didn't.

'Jack, come home please. I'm worried about you...'

'Don't!' It came out much louder than he'd intended, almost a shout. 'Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I just need to be alone for a little while. I'll be fine and I'll see you later.'

Teri didn't answer for a moment and Jack took that to mean that the conversation was over, so he hung up. Teri was left staring at the phone in her hand, alone in the kitchen, tears rolling down her face.

Jack pulled over into a small parking lot and sat in silence. He thought about what he'd just said to Teri. Did he need to be alone? The answer was obvious as soon as he asked it. No. It was the last thing he needed. Being alone meant dwelling on things he couldn't face – but he couldn't go back to Teri yet. So what could he do? He thought for another minute...then reached for his phone. He hesitated before he picked it up...but then his hand closed around it and he dialled a number from memory.

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Nina was reading the newspaper when her phone rang. She'd come home alone last night, relatively early too. The IT guy had been forthcoming with some information – not really classified stuff – but she'd heard what she needed to hear, so she made a quick exit. He wasn't really interesting enough to waste an entire evening on.

She had no plans for this Sunday. She rarely did. Most of her weekends were spent alone, reading a book or occasionally going out to a movie. Nina didn't really mind, she was one of those people that were happy in their own company - but it did get lonely on occasion.

She picked up the phone and was shocked to realise who it was.

'Nina? It's Jack.'

'Jack?' What did HE want? 'Hey...what's going on? Do you need me at the office?' It never occurred to her that this would be anything but a work call.

Jack hesitated. 'Uh...no. I'm not working today. I'm just....well....do you think we could get together?' Damn! he told himself. That sounds like I'm asking her out on a date or something!

Nina was confused and a little worried. The last time he'd called and asked her that, they'd met in a bar and he'd been in a heck of a state. His voice was certainly agitated now, even though he was trying to hide that fact. But there was no way she was going to say no...and anyway, hadn't she been thinking abut him just yesterday? Her heart leapt a little and she decided to try something...

'Yeah we can get together Jack. But I can't meet you far from my place – my car wouldn't start this morning. So anywhere close to my house will be fine.' She paused, knowing he'd offer.

'Well, I can take a look at your car for you if you like. It'll save you the trouble of getting it towed to the shop. I'm pretty good at that sort of stuff.'

Nina grinned and paused again - just long enough so that it would make her sound as though she wasn't sure whether to accept or not. 'Are you sure Jack? I don't want you to waste your Sunday fixing my car.'

'I'm sure Nina. I'll be glad of something to do actually. I'll see you in about fifteen minutes OK?'

She told him that would be fine and hung up with a smile clearly evident on her face. He wanted to see her on a Sunday - outside work - when he could be with his family? That could only mean one thing, surely – a fight with Teri. Nina was never the type to miss an opportunity, just like she hadn't last time he'd called outside of work, almost a year ago. But this time – it wasn't information she was after, nor a chance to establish her trustworthiness. This time she figured it was time to see if she could get something _else_ she really wanted....

Nina felt the anticipation flow through her as she made her way towards the garage, spanner in her hand.

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Jack hung up quickly and threw the phone down, while simultaneously starting the engine. He purposely didn't give himself time to think about what he was doing. He needed something to distract his mind and even if Nina probably wasn't the best person to help him with that, she was the only person he had right now.

He wasn't far from her house anyway, so it wasn't long before he pulled up into her drive. She answered the door straight away and Jack couldn't help but be struck by how great she looked in casual clothes – she was wearing figure hugging jeans, a body-fitting blue shirt and no shoes. There was also a big smile on her face, something that he didn't see often in work. All in all, he was quite taken aback and could only mutter a quiet 'Hi Nina' as she ushered him inside.

She went into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee while Jack waited in the sitting room. He noticed the neatness of the place, and wasn't surprised, but he'd always imagined Nina's place to have more warmth to it. He sat on the edge of a comfortable chair and wondered what he was going to say to her when she came back in. How was he going to justify being here? He really didn't have a clue.

His thoughts were interrupted by Nina handing him his mug of coffee. He watched her as she curled herself into a chair opposite him, and was struck again by how great she looked.

Nina looked at him looking at her, and her insides flip-flopped with excitement. He looked so great! Jeans and boots and a tight navy T-shirt that showed off the tattoos on his toned biceps....she had to physically drag her eyes away from those tattoos. She loved body art...and those things looked amazing on him! Her excitement was tempered slightly when she looked at his face though and she was brought back to reality with a bump. Did she really expect him to turn up here and everything would just kick off? He looked tired, and unhappy.

'What's up Jack?'

He almost blurted out that he'd had a fight with Teri, but managed to bite it back at the last minute. If he did that, she'd think he'd come running to her to try and make Teri jealous or something.... What could he say though? He searched quickly for something to fill the silence, and suddenly inspiration struck.

'I was just wondering if you were OK at work Nina. You've seemed a little edgy and tired recently – I just wanted to make sure everything was OK.' It was lame, he knew, but it was the best he could come up with on short notice.

Nina sighed and uncurled her legs from underneath her. She leant forward and placed her mug on the coaster on the coffee table, looked into Jack's eyes and said 'Is that really what you wanted to talk about?'

He stared. He hadn't expected to be called on it.

'Because you could've asked me that at work Jack.' He didn't respond, so she took a deep breath and said 'I'm fine at work. If I've seemed a little stressed – its because of you.'

Again, he said nothing. He didn't know what to say. Wasn't sure what she meant.

'You've been pushing us pretty hard. Making life difficult. I'm not saying it's a major problem yet, but it could get to be one.' She looked at him to gage his reaction. 'Some of the others have been complaining about it a little.' Nina decided to take a chance. 'What's going on Jack? What's the problem? Why are you really here?'

'I....' He stopped. He didn't have a clue what to say. He knew why he was here – he was desperate to talk to someone, desperate to take his mind off his problems. He wanted to feel anything other than he felt right now – which was tired, scared and lonely. Did she think he was here.....for her? The thought shocked him. And him. _Was_ he here for her?

'Talk to me Jack.' There was no judgement in her voice, no aggravation, no pleading. Not like Teri.

'I just....things have been a little rough. At work I mean. And I cant talk about it at home. There's nowhere outside the office for me to get away from it. It's just...been hard. The last year or so.' He let out a breath heavily. 'I'm really sorry Nina. I shouldn't be bothering you at home.'

She raised a hand to silence him. 'Jack its OK. Remember when you called me last year and we met at that bar? I told you then, you can call me anytime. I didn't have a thing to do anyway. If you just want to hang out, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being friends with your co-worker is there?' As soon as she said it, she regretted it. She didn't want him to be her friend.

He smiled and relaxed a little. 'Thank you Nina. I just wanted to get away from things for a while.' Then he wished he hadn't of said that, but he couldn't put his finger on why.

They chatted aimlessly about work for a while, drinking their coffee. Jack felt so much better. It was so good to just talk to someone, without all the stresses of having to put on a façade that everything was fine. And Nina was good company – she smiled and laughed a lot, was completely laid-back – and seemed to enjoy him being there. He thought about all the times he'd looked at her in the office and wondered vaguely if she had a boyfriend or thought about how good she looked in her office clothes. Now he couldn't stop himself noticing how much better she looked in normal clothes – and he found himself hoping that she _didn't_ have a boyfriend. And this time he didn't push those thoughts to the back of his head the way he normally did.

'So how's Kim?' The question seemed to come out of nowhere and he was surprised by it.

'Oh yeah, she's fine. Typical teenage girl I suppose - shops a lot, plays her music too loud. Par for the course I suppose.' He smiled but wasn't entirely comfortable with the sudden change of direction that the conversation had made.

'You wait, she'll be bringing boyfriends home soon. I wonder what Federal Agent Jack Bauer will have to say about that!' He laughed at her teasing.

'He wont be saying anything good, that's for sure!' There was a silence and Jack steeled himself for the question he knew was coming. Sure enough...

'And Teri? Is she OK?'

He tried to stop the tension in his voice and really hoped he pulled it off. 'Yes. She's fine too. Working hard, you know how it is.'

Nina immediately noticed how tense and uncomfortable he became when she talked about Teri. Interesting.... She didn't want to push it though, so she left it at that.

'OK Mister Federal Agent – how about we see if you're as good with cars as you are with a gun?'

He laughed and stood up. 'Lead the way. I'll try not to embarrass myself.'

She led the way down to the garage, noting that he walked a little closer to her than was strictly necessary. She didn't try to move away.

It had been the simplest of tasks to loosen some nuts and bolts that attached wires to vital parts of the engine – not too many or that would've been odd. But enough so that the alternator wasn't working properly and the spark plugs weren't doing their job. He'd have no problem fixing it, but it might take him a while to find the problem.

Nina left him fiddling with parts and went to make him another cup of coffee. Once alone, she leaned against her counter and let out a deep breath. Wow! If she'd thought she was attracted to him before, she definitely was now! There was something about seeing the softer side of Jack, the side she rarely saw at work, which melted some of her inner defences. The walls put in place to stop herself getting into this precise situation. There was a very real possibility that she would one day have to leave CTU, betray the people that worked there. It was the reason she tried very hard not to become too friendly with the people there, keep everything on a professional level. Of course, she had no intention of getting caught herself – but if other people got caught and named her, she'd be in big trouble. She thought she'd covered all angles – but you could never be sure. Not entirely.

So it really wasn't a good idea to go falling for Jack Bauer. Even aside from all those other reasons, he was married. He and Teri may be having some problems, but he still loved her.

And yet...Nina was lonely. She had to face that fact, as abhorrent as it might be. She was tired of spending all her time alone, every evening and every weekend with no company but the TV or a book. They hadn't taught her how to deal with that. She was expected to remain professional, she'd been taught long ago that it was dangerous to form close personal attachments. She understood why. She just didn't realise how hard it would be sometimes.

The coffee had brewed so she poured another two mugs and went back down to where he was bent under the hood of her car. She couldn't help admiring the view as she placed his coffee on the one spotless workbench.

'How's it going?'

His voice was muffled when he replied and she laughed. 'What was that?'

He stood up and grinned when he saw her laughing. 'You've got some loose wires. Wont take a minute to fix.' He walked over to get his drink, wiping his hands on a towel. She was standing right by the coffee and didn't move out of the way. He paused, then leaned across her to pick up the cup, breathing in the faint scent of her perfume as he did so and definitely invading her personal space. He looked closely at her as he straightened up. She hadn't moved. Didn't seem to mind their closeness at all. Their eyes locked for a second and all of a sudden, all Jack's worries went away. He stared into her deep blue eyes, the sounds from outside went quiet, the background blurred. All he could see was those two pools of blue....

The moment was broken by a loud thump on the garage door. Jack looked away quickly and retreated a step or two, flushing slightly. Nina cursed inwardly and looked out of the window to see where the noise came from.

'Just some kids...lost control of their basketball...' She looked back at Jack who had picked up a spanner and was tightening the offending bolts on the car. He was working quickly, obviously flustered. But she knew what he was thinking, knew she had to take the chance now.

She walked up beside him and watched him working...he could feel her standing there. Thoughts of Nina flashed through his brain; it was like fire, like electricity. Everything else was forgotten – he couldn't think about anything else. The occasional 'What are you doing?' flashed through, but he ignored it.

He'd almost finished. She was standing right there.

When the last bolt had been tightened, Jack hesitated. She was so close... He stood up and felt her right arm brush against his skin. He felt a shiver run through his body and he turned towards her, noticing how she turned to face him at the same time.

'That should do it,' he said softly.

'Thanks Jack.' She just looked into his eyes, neither of them moved. Then she moved forward slightly and kissed him on the cheek. Near his ear, she whispered...'I really appreciate it.'

He couldn't stop himself. His hands moved of their own accord and rested around her waist. She moved her face back slightly and he kissed her softly on the mouth. She responded straight away, opening her lips slightly and the kiss became deeper, hungrier, filled with passion. He pulled her tight against him and Nina was shocked by how much desire she felt running through her body, surprised by the intensity with which he kissed her. She ran her hands up his arms, across his muscular shoulders and buried them deep in his hair....

All of sudden he pulled away. Nina was left out of breath, her knees weak and holding on to the car for support. He didn't say a word, just stood there, breathing hard himself and with a strange look in his eyes.

'Jack...'

'Nina, I've got to go.' He paused as he walked by her. 'I'm really sorry....'

She heard the front door close as he left, while she leant on her car, wondering where they were supposed to go from here. She heard his car pull away from her house and wasn't prepared for the empty feeling that washed through her. As she walked back to her lounge, all she could think was 'Have I blown it? Please don't let me have blown it....'


	8. Dealing With It Part 8

Dealing With It – Part 8

Jack drove away from Nina's as fast as he could, swearing under his breath, running a hand through his hair frantically and almost too angry to concentrate on driving. What the hell had he done now? Was he out of his mind?!! Kissing Ninaâ€it was just so stupid!

He had to get back to Teri. It was the only thing to do. If he got home and made it up with her, then this would all be OK. He'd be able to explain to Nina that he'd been having a bad day and he was really sorry, but it was a mistake and it wouldn't happen again. She was sure to understand – she knew he was married, she knew that he loved his family. And...well, Nina was so attractive, there was no way she'd have her heart set on someone unattainable would she? She'd be able to get anyone she wanted. Jack felt a little better. Yes – they must have both just got caught up in the moment. He'd been stressed out and she'd understood. They'd just clicked for a moment there. It was just one moment and now it was over. They'd done a stupid thing, they both regretted it – and now they'd move on.

Of course, this threw up a whole new dilemma. Should he tell Teri? Yes, he should. Butâ€.Jack recoiled from the idea of telling her such a thing. She was angry enough at him already – was there any way she _wouldn't_ throw him out if he told her he'd kissed another woman? Probably not. Jack thumped the steering wheel in anger and let out a long string of expletives. How the _hell_ could he have been so stupid?!! What the fk was the matter with him anyway? If anyone had told him that morning that he would have kissed a woman other than Teri – for the first time in about sixteen years – by the end of the day, he would've called them crazy. It had totally come out of left field, he hadn't planned it in any way... but Jacks mind betrayed him at this point.

No, he hadn't planned it. But he _had _thought about it before. This was only the second time he'd seen her outside work, when it was just the two of them – and he remembered the first time clearly. Remembered thinking even then that he'd thought about her before – and that had been a year ago. Exactly how long had he had Nina in the back of his mind...?

He shoved that train of thought away angrily. What man didn't look at other women and admire them if they were attractive? The point was – he'd never actually considered doing anything about it. Not once had he ever made a plan to get Nina to like him, not once had he ever tried to make a move on her. Yes, he'd looked at her a few times in a way that was not strictly professional...but he'd never...Oh God! What was he going to do? He pounded the steering wheel a few more times but it didn't help to clear his head.

He was back in Santa Monica and just ten minutes from his house. Could he really just walk back in there and not say anything to Teri? Pretend that he was alright and apologise for his behaviour this weekend? She had a right to be angry at him, he saw that now. He had been rude to her friends and treated her terribly that morning, yelling at her when she'd just been concerned about him. Jack felt terrible. He came to 10th, where he lived – but didn't make the turn. He drove towards the ocean instead.

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Nina sat in her living room, trying to make sense of everything that had happened that morning. The way he had kissed her...it made her shiver just to think about it, and thrills shot through her body. It was even better than she'd thought it would be – and she'd thought it would be pretty damn good!

But then he'd run away. She should have known he would. A man with strong moral fibre like him was bound to be hit hard by guilt. Nina felt none, didn't give Teri and Kim a single thought. She wanted Jack – and for one glorious moment, she'd had him, all to herself...and then reality had kicked in and he'd run a mile. Sh!t! She had to fix this and fix it quickly otherwise things would be excruciating at work tomorrow – and above all else, she couldn't afford to lose his trust at work. That would really blow everything.

Nina checked her watch. Would he be at home yet? She had to talk to him, and before he got back to Teri. She guessed he'd head straight back there and try to resolve whatever the problem had been with her. Nina knew that she had to make sure he wouldn't confess this to his wife – if Teri kicked him out, Jack would never come near her again. From both a personal and professional viewpoint, that _could not_ happen.

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Jack sat on a bench under the palm trees by the side of Ocean Drive in Santa Monica. The sidewalks were packed, it was a sunny day and it was the weekend – most of LA seemed to descend on the beach on days like today. But Jack was oblivious to them all, he seemed to spend his life oblivious to his surroundings these days. He looked past the Pacific Coast Highway and the parking lots next to the pier, and stared out to the ocean beyond. It was having its normal calming effect on him but he didn't feel the desire to walk down to the beach to get closer to it – he just wanted to sit and think and try and sort out what he was going to tell Teri when he got home. But he wasn't getting any closer to a solution. When his phone rang, he sighed heavily, he could do without any more talking...but he answered it anyway.

'Jack? Are you OK?'

'Nina.' His throat closed over and something like panic welled up inside him. Why was she calling? How had he got himself into this mess? And how did he get out of it?!

'Look Nina, I'm really reall'

She cut him off. 'Jack its OK! I just called because...well, I think what happened was a big mistake. I guess you're feeling really bad right now and I just wanted to tell you not to worry. It was nothing, just a spur of the moment thing. I don't want this to affect our working relationship in any way.'

Jack breathed a huge sigh of relief. But it was tinged with...what? Disappointment? Yes, disappointment – and Jack immediately felt sick with himself for feeling that way. But he had to hide that, he couldn't let her know.

'Nina, I agree. I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. I guess I was just having a bad day and it was unforgivable of me to take advantage of you like that. I really hope this doesn't make things awkward for us.'

'No, it won't. Not at all. Please just forget all about it.'

Jack hesitated. Did he want to forget about it? No. Yes! He had to. 'OK Nina. And thank you for being so understanding. I'll see you at work tomorrow.'

She said good bye and hung up. Jack stared straight ahead of him, trying to fight the emotions battling inside. He loved Teri, he'd do anything for her. But Nina was...something else. She was someone he could talk to, she understood the pressures of the job, she was fun to be around and didn't make him feel guilty for having a bad day. She was uncomplicated. But Jack wouldn't touch her again. He was not the sort of man who cheated on his wife, he just wasn't.

He just wished he didn't feel like he wanted to.

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Nina hung up and fought the urge to cry. She hadn't cried since she was a teenager. And never over a man.

But Jack was different. He was a good guy, not someone who would use her and throw her away, surely. He was not a scumbag either. Jack was better than that. And Nina felt lonely, really lonely, for the first time in years. Never mind that it would be an impossible relationship even if he weren't married – she had too many secrets to ever allow him to get close to her. She just wished that he'd get closer than he was right now.

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Jack opened the door to his house, filled with trepidation. He had no idea what sort of reception he'd get. He knew the kind he'd deserve - but he'd decided not to tell Teri about Nina. He couldn't hurt his wife like that - it would have to be one of those things he kept from her, just one more secret to add to the others. Maybe the hardest secret. But if he told her she'd probably kick him out – and he couldn't bear the thought of that. No matter if he deserved it or not, he couldn't handle the thought of being without her or Kim.

He resolved once again to try harder. All of this was his fault, he knew that – there was tension between them because he was failing to maintain the happy façade he'd promised to keep in place. It was more important than ever that he keep that wall up – if it came down, he'd lose everything. Jack walked towards the den where he figured Teri would be, taking a deep breath to steady his nerves and carefully constructing a neutral face so that the guilt wouldn't show. Somewhere in his mind there was a maniacal laugh – he was on an undercover mission in his own house! He squashed the thought as fast as he could.

Teri hadn't heard him come in but she looked up when she saw him in the door way. She was curled up in one of the big squashy armchairs they kept in there, her hands curled round a large mug of coffee. 'Just like Nina was this morning' was the thought that popped unbidden into Jacks mind, before he could stop it. Teri didn't smile, there was no expression at all on her face. Jack looked down at her and thought his heart was going to break - how could he have done this to her? He carefully sat down in a chair opposite hers.

'Where's Kim?'

'At the movies with Stephanie.'

'Teri...' He didn't have a clue what to say. There was a drawn out silence and he couldn't find the words to fill it.

'Where have you been Jack?'

'I just went for a drive. I needed to clear my head.'

She looked at him steadily. 'Is it clear now?'

NO.

'Yes, its clear now honey. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I've been such a jerk. You're right to be mad at me, I know you are. I'm going to phone Teresa and Dave to apologise to them for last night. Just tell me what I can do to make it up to you.'

She just looked at him and suddenly Jack was terrified. Had it gone too far? Was she mad enough at him to want rid of him? Surely not....but he couldn't stop the fear. What if...

'You can talk to me Jack. That's all I want you to do. I need to know what's going on in your head.' Teri tried to hold back the tears, but couldn't and when he saw her struggle, Jack felt like he was going to cry too.

'Because I can't stand this silence anymore Jack, I can't. You've been shutting me out for so long now' She broke off, unable to continue. Jack listened to her weeping and closed his eyes desperately, trying not to lose it himself – he wanted nothing more than to go and hold her in his arms right now, take her pain away. But how could he? He was hurting her so badly...and he'd just kissed another woman. He had some awful feeling that if he got too close to her, she'd be able to smell his guilt and that would be it.

He was going to have to tell her something – anything – that could explain his behaviour.

'Honey...I'll talk to you now. I'll explain everything. Please stop crying.' Or I'm going to start, he thought to himself. Teri wiped her eyes and looked at him expectantly and Jack found himself thinking quickly. Obviously he couldn't tell her the truth but maybe something obtuse would suffice.

'There's something big going on at work. An on-going investigation that's taking a lot of time. That's why I'm away so much....' He stopped as Teri shook her head, uncurled herself from the chair and walked out of the den. He got up and followed her into the kitchen.

'Teri? What's the matter?' She threw her cup into the sink then turned to face him, anger plainly evident on her face. When she spoke it was with a bitterness that Jack wasn't used to hearing come from her.

'Work Jack? That's your excuse? Jesus, I thought you could come up with something better than that!'

'It's the truth'

'Ever since the third year of our marriage it's been work with you! First the Army and now CTU. You've been away for months at a time before now, and I've coped and it's been fine. But you've never been like this. You've never given me the cold shoulder before. So what's really going on? I need to know!'

He looked at her helplessly. What could he say? There was nothing. She waited for a reply and after a minute, when it didn't come, she simply walked away. Jack was left standing alone and helpless, staring at the floor, unable to find the words to call her back.


	9. Dealing With It Part 9

Dealing With It – Part 9

6 MONTHS LATER

Teri sat motionless at the kitchen table, waiting. The only sound was the ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall and the house was dark – she'd been sitting there for hours and hadn't bothered to get up and turn the lights on after the sun had gone down. She'd stopped wondering about whether she'd made the right decision or not – partly because she already knew she had and partly because it hurt too much to think about. Her thoughts now were mainly focused on Kim – how to tell her, how she'd take it. That conversation wasn't one she was looking forward to, but hopefully she'd get some support with it. It would be the least he could do.

Her eyes roamed around the tidy kitchen, settling – as they had for hours – on the suitcases and duffel bag that she'd stacked in the hallway. It was depressing to look at them, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. The contents of those bags were pretty much what Jack was going to be living with for, a while at least. His life in a few bags. She almost felt sick. Teri tore her eyes away and focused them on the table-top in front of her. She knew that it wasn't really his life in those bags, it just felt that way right now.

A glance at the clock. Almost midnight. He surely wouldn't be much longer, although now she came to think about it, he hadn't come home before 1am for at least a month. She figured that he was trying to avoid her and she was more than happy to let him. At first, she had been angry with him for staying away – now she was grateful. It spared them both the awkwardness of making small talk when they were alone, for that was all they did these days.

Teri had felt guilty for months about the way their relationship was deteriorating. She'd tried and tried to get Jack to open up to her, she did her best to hold on to the hope that one day he'd finally tell her what the problem was. But he never did and eventually, Teri lost the will to try. When she realised that she had given up, that was when the guilt was at its worst – what sort of woman stops trying to talk to her husband? But then she'd realised something – Jack hadn't even noticed that she'd given up. He hadn't realised that she was trying in the first place. He barely registered her presence, period – the only time it felt like he was in the house at all was when he was with Kim. The rest of the time, he'd sit in the den or the in the back yard, lost in his own world.

She'd tried shouting too – that had been the last resort. Their relationship had never spawned many arguments because they both tended to talk things out if they realised there was a problem. And Jack was – used to be, she corrected herself – a very attentive man. If he saw that something he was doing was upsetting her, he'd stop doing it, most of the time. He'd been caring that way. So he'd been surprised when she'd started raising her voice more often, he'd asked her what her problem was – she still couldn't believe he'd had the nerve to ask that – and she'd told him that shouting was the only way to wake him up nowadays. He never listened when she simply talked. He'd shaken his head and told her that he didn't need to hear this, he'd walked away every time and then sunk straight back into his torpor. Leaving her wanting to scream in frustration. Teri wished she had but knew it wouldn't have done any good.

So here she was. Sitting at a table in the dark, her daughter asleep a few yards away, waiting for her husband to come home – so she could tell him that she was done.

Teri couldn't cry anymore. Could hardly even think. Life without Jack was so alien she couldn't comprehend it. But it would be better than the way it was now. Anything was better than this.

Eventually the kitchen was lit up by the glare of headlights pulling into the driveway, the silence was broken by the sound of a powerful engine. Teri steeled herself for what was coming, hoped that she could get through this without breaking down, desperately reminding herself of why it had to happen. What if he fought it? Would that make her happier? She found herself hoping that he would.

The front door opened quietly. She'd noticed that he did this every time he came home late. At first she thought it was him being considerate, not wanting to disturb her. Later she realised that, no, he didn't want to wake her – because he didn't want to talk to her.

He flicked on the hall light and it took Teri a moment to adjust her eyes to the brightness. When she did, she saw him standing completely still, just staring at the packed bags. He looked up eventually and noticed her sitting there in the shadows of the kitchen, she heard him let out a shaky breath and he walked towards her, switching on the kitchen light as he did so.

Teri looked at him closely as he sat down opposite her, taking in his gaunt face and tired eyes. His clothes were hanging off him too, he'd lost a lot of weight in the last few months. She said nothing as he leaned his elbows on to the table and rested his face in his hands. Was he crying? No he wasn't. He just seemed to be too exhausted to register what was happening here.

There was silence for almost five minutes, neither of them knew what to say. Eventually...

'It's for the best Jack.'

He raised his head, slumped back in the chair and let his forearms drop to the table-top. He surveyed her face for a while but still didn't say anything. And then, just when Teri was about to break and start justifying her decision...

'Yes you're probably right.'

She couldn't believe it! He was agreeing? Just like that?! Teri almost broke down right then, she had never expected him to agree so readily. He must really want to get away from me, she thought bitterly. Well fine... she resolved again not to cry, she would not give him the satisfaction of seeing how badly he was hurting her.

'I've packed up most of your clothes for you and some other things you'll need. You can come back for anything else....' He still wasn't saying anything. He just looked at her. 'We'll need to talk to Kim in the morning. It might be a good idea for her to have the day off school.' That at least got a reaction. A look of pain flickered clearly across his face.

'What are we going to say to her?'

'You tell me Jack!' Teri shot the ball squarely back into his court. Why did he get to be apathetic about this? Why should she make all the hard decisions? Let him make a few!

He sighed heavily, ran his fingers through his hair in that familiar gesture that she always teased him about. 'Teri....I know this is all my fault. I really do. I....I can't blame you for doing this.' He looked up at her and his eyes were more alive than they'd been in months. 'But it isn't want I want. It really isn't. I want things to be the way they used to be.'

'Then why...?'

'I don't know!' He stood and started pacing around the kitchen in an agitated way, trying to find some words that would explain what he meant.

'I don't know what to say about it all Teri! I don't know why I'm like this! I can't seem to help it though...I've tried, I really have....' Jack's voice cracked and he sank back into his chair, once more covering his face with his hands. Teri blinked back tears. He was obviously so messed up about something, and now this...she couldn't help it, she felt sorry for him. Watching him fighting back tears, she wanted to hold him and make it all better – but they were past that now. Way past that.

'Jack...' He dropped his hands into his lap and looked up at her, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. 'This doesn't have to be permanent. I still love you...and it's going to be so hard not having you around...' A tear slid slowly down his face. '...but we need some time apart. You need to deal with whatever's going on with you. You won't let me help you, and I can't do this anymore. I can't bear the distance between us – it'll be easier if you're not here at all.'

She broke off, the sight of his anguished face almost breaking her heart. She loved him so much! But this was the right thing to do.

Jack nodded and replied in a shaky voice. 'OK honey. I'll do whatever you want. I know this is my fault. Just....give me a chance, OK? Don't give up on me. I'll find a way to make it right.'

Teri tried to smile. 'Knowing you Jack, you'll find a way. And I'll be here when you do. But you need to find it on your own. We're just hurting each other right now.'

He nodded again. There was silence for a moment. Neither of them could quite believe what was happening...the reality was too awful to take in. Jack broke the silence when he couldn't bear it anymore.

'Do you want me to go tonight?'

'No no, of course not. It's late. But I think it'd be better if you slept in the guest room - and we need to talk to Kim before you go to work.' He nodded, unable to speak past the lump in his throat.

Teri couldn't take it anymore and stood up to leave. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't cry in front of him – if she broke down, she might not have been able to go through with it at all. But she couldn't hold it back much longer...this was Jack, the man with whom she'd shared the last sixteen years of her life. Her soul-mate, the one person that looked after her and loved her and made her feel safe. She had never loved anyone the way she loved him, she'd never imagined ever being with anyone else, not ever....and now it was close to being over. The thought was unbearable, too much to take and finally the tears started to spill down her face. She started to walk out of the room, trying desperately not to look at him but he grabbed her hand as she passed him.

'Teri...' She looked down at the handsome face that she knew better than her own, saw the dejection, and the desperate pain in the blue eyes. She covered her mouth with a hand to stop the sobs from escaping as he said simply 'I love you so much.....I'm so sorry...'

Teri ran for the bedroom, her heart in pieces. Jack wrapped his arms around himself and rocked slightly in his seat as wave after wave of silent tears coursed down his face.


	10. Dealing With It Part 10

Dealing With It – Part 10

Jack opened the door to his run-down apartment, flicked on the hall light and tried to muster some enthusiasm at the thought of being 'home.' He always tried this in the hope that one day he wouldn't find it such a depressing experience, coming back to this tiny apartment – it had never worked so far.

He didn't bother going to change out of his work clothes, he just grabbed a six-pack from the fridge and flopped onto the worn out old sofa that had come with the apartment. Switching on the TV, he turned to ESPN but kept the sound quiet – he didn't really care how his teams were doing, he just needed to feel another presence in the room even if it was just figures on a screen. Sometimes he didn't bother with the TV at all, but then he was just left sitting in silence. It was better with it on.

It had been a month since Teri had asked him to move out and without a doubt it was the longest month of his life. Every day seemed to drag on endlessly, the evenings and nights stretched to infinity. There simply wasn't anything for him to do to fill up the hours. Oh he worked, of course, but he'd found that even that had lost its pull over him, for the time being at least. There was suddenly something more important than stopping terrorists and searching for traitors in the Government and military – and he was sick with himself that he'd had to lose it before he'd realised what he had.

Jack stared with unseeing eyes at the flickering screen while he finished his first beer and started on a second. It was strange...all the time he was living with his family and he'd wished they'd stop hassling him about whether he was OK or not. He'd pushed Teri away on purpose, just wanting peace. And now he had it, all the peace in the world – and he wanted nothing more than to go back to her so she could hassle him some more. He had spent hours and hours lost in his own thoughts, completely consumed with Nightfall and whoever was behind it...now he didn't care if he ever found them. What good would it do anyway? His guys would still be dead. Jack just wanted his family back.

He looked over at the phone. Should he call? He'd already tried once today and just got the machine. He phoned every day to talk to Kim, and Teri too, if she would let him. Sometimes they had a nice conversation, sometimes she seemed cold and distant. Twice she hadn't wanted to talk to him at all. When he'd asked why - the next time they spoke - she said it was too much, he was trying too hard. She needed time to think. So he'd not spoken to her for a couple of days, just talked to Kim, but he couldn't stop trying completely.

They'd only seen each other once since the split, three weeks ago now. Jack had needed some of his things from the house. He remembered reaching the front door and going to use his key to open it – and then realizing that he didn't live there anymore. It had brought him close to tears, standing on the front porch of his own home, waiting to be let in like a stranger. Kim had been delighted to see him though, that had been good – and he took her out every weekend. She seemed a bit cold when she spoke about her mother, and never stopped asking him when he was coming home. Even though he must have said the words 'I don't know sweetheart, soon I hope,' a dozen times now, they still hurt just as much as the first time he'd said them. Because he didn't know if he was going back at all.

Jack was shaken out of his reverie by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He lunged at it, thinking it might be Teri, and was disappointed when he realized it was Walsh.

'Oh hi Richard. How's it going?'

'Hey Jack, where are you? I just spoke to Teri and she said to get you on your cell. You out on the town or something?'

'Uhhh...just picking a few things up. What's going on?' He hadn't told anyone at work about the break up. It would make it too real somehow, like he was admitting that his marriage could be over for good. And of course, there was Nina...

'I just wanted to let you know, Nina's covering for you tomorrow morning. I want you to meet me for brunch, there's something I need to talk to you about.'

'OK sure. At Division?'

'No, I don't want to talk at the office. Lets meet on the Boardwalk at Venice, I'll be by the stalls on Windward at ten. That OK for you?'

Jack knew exactly what this meant. Something important was up and Richard didn't want other people at CTU knowing about it.

'No problem. See you there.'

Jack sighed after he hung up the phone. It would probably do him good to have something to keep him busy, he certainly wasn't doing too well being idle. It was against his nature to be lazy but he just couldn't seem to muster the enthusiasm to do anything. The only time he got excited now was those few seconds before Teri picked up the phone, when he actually thought she might just say 'It's OK Jack, come on home.' But she hadn't yet and the days dragged by, a grey blur of monotony and depression. Maybe Richard's problem, whatever it was, would help snap him out of this.

He reached for another beer and was mildly surprised to discover that he'd finished them all. Jack supposed he should eat something but really wasn't hungry, so he just sat and watched the silent baseball players on his screen run pointlessly around a field. After half an hour of this - almost on auto-pilot - he got up and fetched a bottle of scotch from the cupboard. It was full, he'd had to buy a new one yesterday. He justified it to himself, saying that he was starting work late tomorrow anyway, so where was the harm?

He finally had enough of silent baseball so the TV got switched off. It was only nine. What was he supposed to do now? His guitar and most of his CD's were at Teri's. He was too (drunk) tired to work out, he didn't have a DVD player or VCR. No books either. He hadn't thought to bring any books from the house, he didn't think he'd be gone this long. He didn't feel like calling any of his friends and even if he did, they wouldn't be able to go out – they all had kids and it was a school night. He didn't want to go out on his own, and couldn't face the idea of being surrounded by other people anyway.

He sighed and poured another drink. It hit him how much he'd taken for granted what he'd had. When he was home, he was never alone – even if his girls were in other rooms, he could still talk to them whenever he wanted, there was always the background noise that came with sharing your life with other people. Jack and Teri had been together for so long, - since they were teenagers - he hadn't realised there was any other way of being. It was a complete shock to the system to be totally alone the way he was now and he didn't know what to do with himself.

And at night...the feeling of being in an empty bed was the worst of all. Of course he'd spent time apart from Teri before when he was in the forces, but that had been OK because he could look forward to being with her again. Now he found it almost impossible to sleep, the empty space on his left side was unbearable. When he did manage to drop off, he frequently woke himself up by trying to reach for Teri in his sleep and being confused as to why she wasn't there. Then he'd remember, and lie staring at the cracked plasterboard on the ceiling, unable to sleep again. He'd lost count of the amount of hours he had just lain there, waiting for it to get light so he could get up and go to work and try to do his best at the one thing he had left. Exhaustion had eventually made him start using alcohol to sleep, it seemed to work but gave him nightmares too. As if he didn't have them anyway.

Jack sat and drank, trying to block everything out. There was really nothing else for him to do. Eventually the hands of the clock ticked round to midnight and he managed to stagger to the bedroom, finally drunk enough to pass out. He only managed to get his shirt and shoes off before falling backwards onto the sheets. The last coherent image that flashed through his brain was of Kim's face, the look he'd seen when he'd told her he was moving out. He would never in his entire life feel as bad as he had at that moment, seeing the pain and tears that he'd caused his baby girl, hearing her cry and pleading with him not to go...

Tears leaked out of the corner of his sleeping eyes and dropped unnoticed onto the sheets. The nightmares from Nightfall had finally disappeared – and been exchanged for something far, far worse.


	11. Dealing With It Part 11

Dealing With It – Part 11

Jack was almost late for his meeting with Walsh the next day, entirely due to his crushing hangover. He figured he must be either getting old or overdoing the drinking – he normally didn't get hangovers at all, no matter how much he poured down his throat. This morning however, he'd eaten aspirin like they were candy and it had taken ages for him to find his darkest pair of shades. He just couldn't comprehend going out into the bright sunshine without them.

It didn't take him too long to get to Venice and it was only a couple of minutes after ten when he pulled into a parking spot on Windward. There was no sign of Richard so Jack stepped out of his car, stuck a couple of quarters in the parking meter and strolled over to the stalls that lined the Boardwalk. It was quiet – the summer was pretty much over so the tourists had all gone home and it was a little early in the day for the performance artists and basketball players to be out. Jack bought himself a black coffee and was just paying for it when he saw Walsh walking towards him.

'Hey Richard.'

'Hi Jack.' They shook hands and Richard studied his friends face closely. Jack had taken his shades off and his eyes were screwed up against the sun. He looked pale and drawn – and slightly unwell.

Unbeknownst to Jack, Richard had been keeping a close eye on him for the last eighteen months – ever since he'd seen him after his mission the year before. He hadn't liked what he was seeing either, or what he'd heard. Reports from some of the minor players in the CTU office suggested that their boss was becoming a real jackass – moody, unbending and given to bouts of furious temper. More than once Walsh had had to stop Chappelle from going down there to see what the problem was. He had thought he knew what it was – Jack was having trouble adjusting back to civilian life – but he should have got over that by now.

He wanted to talk to Jack about all this, but it would have to wait. There was something more pressing at hand. They walked over to the basketball courts and took a seat on the stone steps that were usually full of players waiting to get into a pick-up game.

'So what's up Richard? Grateful as I am to get a late start this morning, I should really try and get to the office sometime before lunch.'

Walsh leant forward so his elbows rested on his knees. 'I know I don't have to remind you not to talk to anyone about this Jack. You'll be able to bring a couple of people in on it later on – just not yet OK?' Jack nodded and waited for him to continue. Regardless of how he felt about work at the moment, his interest was piqued and for the first time in a month he focused on his job.

'Some of us at District have had suspicions about a few of our agents for a while now. There have been some discrepancies in the accounts of some of our guys – and some interesting reports from a few suspects that have been arrested before.'

'What do you mean – money gone missing?'

Walsh shook his head. 'No, not missing.' He sat back and leaned against the step behind him.

'Last week the San Francisco office brought in Tyler Hargreaves – you heard of him?'

'Yeah, he was arrested six months ago in LA for the suspected bankrolling of Palestinian terror groups. Campbell and Scott got him but he was released without charge because they weren't able to come up with hard evidence.'

'And Padraig Murphy – remember him?'

Jack nodded again. 'Major player in the Real IRA. Came to America after the Omagh bombing in '98. Hid out with family in Boston for a while, then made his way here to LA. He was arrested a year ago on suspicion of planning more bombing raids in the UK, and of possessing explosives. We were due to hand him over to MI-6 but he escaped a week before it went down. Killed his guards on the way out too. What about them?'

'Both of them were arrested in the last couple of weeks here in California. Both of them tried to make a deal – they said they had help from the agents who arrested them to either escape or beat the charges. They'd give up the names in return for a lighter sentence or, in Murphy's case, a chance to plead for non-extradition back to the UK.'

Jack's head whipped round to Walsh as he made this statement and shock registered on his face. 'They both claimed the same thing? And they didn't know each other?'

'No, they've never done business, or even met each other as far as we can see. Completely independent claims.' He let this sink in for a second before adding 'It looks like a few of our guys are taking backhanders.'

Jack slowly let out a deep breath. 'And you want me to find out whom?'

'No Jack – we know who did it. These two had the same handlers. I just need you to find out if it's happened again with any other suspects and check their financial records, build the case against them basically. You know the drill.'

Jack thought for a minute. It was hard to believe that CTU guys were doing this. After all, they all worked so hard to bring these creeps in, no one wanted to see all the hard work wasted. And letting terrorists walk wasn't like a cop turning a blind eye to someone speeding or jaywalking – there were serious consequences with hundreds, or even thousands, of lives at stake. Jack felt his familiar anger starting to build inside him and he turned to Richard and nodded.

'No problem. What are the guy's names?'

Walsh looked at him. 'You realise the possible consequences of this Jack? Bringing them down isn't going to make you very popular.'

Jack snorted. 'You brought this to me because you know I don't give a damn about what people think. And I'm not that popular at the moment anyway. What are the names?'

Richard studied him again. He hadn't brought this to Jack because of his friend's thick skin. He'd brought it to him because he trusted him. Jack would never get tempted to do what these three dirty agents had done so working the case wouldn't put any ideas in his head. That couldn't be said for everyone. He'd do the job thoroughly and quickly, with a minimum of noise and fuss and he'd live with the fallout from the rest of the office. In short, he was the best guy for the job and the only one Walsh would trust with an internal investigation like this.

He sighed. The only reasons for his hesitation were the reports that Chappelle delighted in bringing him. The ones that said Jack was possibly unstable and laid doubt on his ability to run CTU at the moment. Richard knew they were rubbish, the LA office of CTU was one of the best run in the country with Jack in charge, but not everyone knew Jack like he did. But how could he try and explain this to his friend? Jack would just say he was fine, and that would be that.

'Campbell, Scott and McNamara. They work together a lot and its not going to be easy to run this without them finding out about it. They've got a lot of friends in the Agency. That's why its important you keep this quiet Jack. Do the prelim work yourself, then bring a couple of others in. No more than two or three OK? We just need direct evidence that they took bribes, then we nail them – it shouldn't take too long.'

'They're going to have covered themselves pretty well though Richard, they'll know all the tricks. I may have to set up a sting to catch them at it...'

Walsh was already nodding. 'Yes I know. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Don't set anything up until you clear it with me.'

'Who else is in on this?'

'Chappelle and Mason at Division. Hammond at District. And you and me. I have to tell you Jack....' He broke off, not sure how to continue.

'What?'

'The only reason you've been given this is....' He hesitated again.

'What? Just say it Richard!' Jack was getting visibly annoyed. He didn't like people dancing around him and his headache was making his temper even shorter than normal too.

'Well, others aren't too happy about me giving this to you. They think your recent behaviour needs to be looked into. I insisted you be given this assignment, but I have to tell you, Mason in particular is certain you'll screw it up.'

Jack glared at Richard but didn't reply.

'Look, I'd never normally tell you this. And I know you'll do the job with no problems – I also know that Mason is a smarmy bastard that couldn't do your job if his life depended on it. But like it or not, he's got more authority than you and he can make life difficult. I'm just telling you to watch out for him that's all. And also...' He didn't know how to phrase the next part, so he just burst out with it. 'Look Jack, are you OK? You look terrible and we've been hearing some things about the way you're acting at work.'

Jack eyed him carefully. He didn't want to admit everything that had gone wrong recently, it was too painful. He was a private person by nature and by training, and talking openly about something as personal as separating from his wife made his insides recoil. But Richard was a very close friend – and he was giving him am important assignment. He deserved to know the truth. Jack took his eyes off his friends face and stared at the ground while running a hand through his hair. When he spoke it was in such a quiet voice that Richard strained to hear him.

'Teri and I separated.'

Richard gaped in surprise. It was the last thing he'd expected Jack to say.

'Jesus...!'

Jack said nothing and didn't raise his head to look at Walsh. It was almost physically painful to say the words, this was the first time he'd spoken about it to anyone. He hadn't expected it to hit him so hard when he did, he was shocked to feel a lump in his throat and something like nausea sweeping through his system.

'Jack...my God. When did this happen?!'

'A month ago.'

'But...why? You two have been together since...'

'Yeah I know! You don't have to tell me that!' Jack cut across him in an annoyed voice. Anger was the only way he knew to conquer the emotion that was threatening to overtake him. He didn't mean to sound pissed at Richard but he suddenly wished he hadn't said anything.

'Look, its not permanent. We're sorting things out. I just thought you should know seeing as how you want to give me this assignment. You don't need to worry, I'll do the job, this wont interfere with my work.'

'Jack I'm not worried about whether you can do the job or not. I'm worried about you! Why didn't you say anything?'

Jack gave a rueful little smile that had no humour in it. 'I guess I didn't want it to be real. Admitting it to other people makes it seem like I've accepted it. But it'll be OK.'

'Look Jack, if you don't want this assignment I'll find someone else. Maybe you should take some time off, try and fix things...'

'No! No time off. I'm fine, I can do my job.' Jack stood up. 'I'd better be going Richard. I need to get started on this.'

Walsh knew that he wouldn't talk about it anymore and he didn't want to press the issue in case it pushed Jack away. So he stood up too and they walked back to their cars together, not speaking at all, both lost in separate worlds of swirling thoughts. Jacks admission had completely knocked the wind out of Walsh and he couldn't think of anything to say that would help his friend. He and Teri had been together since before he'd known Jack and he'd never seen a happier couple. That they would split up was just unbelievable and Richard cursed himself for not keeping a closer eye on Jack. Maybe he would have been able to say something that would have helped.

Jack was about to get into his SUV when he hesitated and looked like he was going to speak. Richard guessed what was on his mind and saved him the trouble.

'Its OK Jack, I wont tell anyone else. Call me if you need anything – or if you just need to talk. Alright? Promise me!'

Jack gave a half smile and nodded slightly. Then he held out his hand and Richard shook it strongly, hoping somehow to convey the depth of his affection for Jack with that one familiar gesture.

Jack looked into his old friend's face and understood what he was doing. A wave of gratitude hit him unexpectedly. He felt lucky to have Richard on his side and suddenly, it was OK that he'd admitted the truth. He could trust this man.

Walsh released his hand and a smile of understanding passed between them. Then they got into their cars and drove back to work, Jack pushing aside the emotions that he felt weakened him and Richard hoping that he hadn't asked too much of his friend.


	12. Dealing With It Part 12

Dealing With It – Part 12

Tony watched Jack walk into CTU and was surprised to see that his boss looked more energised than he had seemed in a long time. He was almost bouncing up the stairs to his office and some of the old sparkle was back in his eyes. The face was as grim as ever but now it seemed grim with determination, not depression. Tony nudged Nina, whose desk he was perching on, and jerked his head towards the office above.

'What do you suppose that's about?'

Nina had been staring as Jack walked in and quickly diverted her eyes back to her screen. 'What do you mean?'

'Come on Nina, don't tell me you haven't noticed the way he's been moping about recently. He's been a real pain in the as$, yelling at everyone and bugging us to do more while he's been sitting around staring at the walls. It looks like something's going on, maybe he's actually going to do some work now.'

Nina glared at him over the computer. 'Tony, Jack working at 50 still means he does more than everyone else here. So cut him some slack OK?'

Tony looked at her with a slight frown on his face. 'Nina, why do you always defend him? It's like you're his mother or something. Or what, you got the hots for the guy?'

Nina rolled her eyes. 'Get real Tony. He's too married for me, and too much of a slave driver as well. But he's good at what he does and I respect him, so go find someone else to stick knives in his back with, alright?'

Tony smirked and stood up. 'Yeah yeah, OK. Whatever.'

Nina watched Tony walk away and then her eyes seemed to act on their own as they swivelled back up to the office. They did that a lot. Nina hadn't been able to stop thinking about Jack since that kiss, the memory of it still sent shivers down her spine. But the shivers were quickly smothered when she thought about the way he'd been with her since that day – not cold, not unfriendly – just...distant. Aloof even. He was perfectly civil to her, there just wasn't any of that unspoken flirting going on, none of the glances across the room at each other, no 'accidental' brushing of the hands when they passed papers back and forth. It was like he'd shut down completely and suddenly, she was just another faceless woman that worked on the floor.

She couldn't help but laugh at herself. Wasn't that what she was supposed to be? Faceless? The worst thing she could do was to stand out – in a bad way at least. She could stand out as being a competent, trustworthy employee – which she did – and that was fine.

But to be obviously having a crush on the boss? That wasn't good at all. The last thing she needed was to have herself scrutinised by everyone in the office.

The problem was – Nina wanted Jack to notice her again. She would almost have been willing to give up that kiss, if it meant that he looked at her at work the way he used to. Now he looked through her. She wondered if that was just his way of dealing with it or whether he really regretted what had happened. Because when he was holding her...he definitely didn't have second thoughts then. She could virtually taste the arousal running through him when he kissed her, and the passion he'd ignited in her was something she'd never felt before in her life. She wanted more. Hell, she NEEDED more! But the way Jack was acting it was like he really was able to just forget about it and move on. And that was frustrating. Very frustrating.

She dragged her eyes back to her work. Maybe she should talk to him about it. But no, on second thought, that was a bad idea. The most important thing was that he felt comfortable around her. That was more important than whether or not she ever got what she wanted from him. Nina sighed and focused on what she was supposed to be doing. She'd just have to keep waiting and hoping.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack sat behind his desk and looked at the files in front of him with a renewed vigour. There really hadn't been a whole lot going on in the last month or so and he now recognised that he'd been pretty bored. Well, that and the obvious other thing too. But now he had something important to focus on, something that required his undivided attention. It was such a relief to be able to think about something other than his personal problems.

He signed everything that needed to be signed, read the reports that required it and was just about to get started on the new case, when he was distracted by the sight of Nina walking towards the staircase to his office. His stomach jumped and he turned away from the windows just in case she saw him watching her and noticed the slight flush that had sprung to his cheeks.

It had been strange working with her since they'd kissed seven months before. Jack was pretty sure that he'd managed to keep everything on a professional level since it happened, indeed, he'd tried to put some distance between them. He told himself that this was so he didn't give her the wrong idea, he didn't want to think that'd been leading her on. That wasn't the sort of thing he'd do.

But when he was really honest with himself, he knew this wasn't the real reason. No, the truth was, he was scared of it happening again. He was afraid that he _wanted_ it to happen again. The memory of the kiss always made him blush a little bit and it was hard to look at Nina now without remembering what it felt like to have his arms around her, the way she had tasted, the feeling of her hands buried in his hair....

His head snapped up when she knocked on his open door. He couldn't stop the thought that said 'Wow, she looks amazing' as it popped into his head, nor the small smile that lit up his face when he looked at her.

'Jack, do you have the file on the Taylor case? Division wants it sent over and I can't find it anywhere down there.'

'Yeah, I've just finished with it.' He handed it over and she turned to leave. Suddenly Jack felt like talking a little bit, his good mood made him want to show his staff that he hadn't turned into a complete pain in the butt.

'Hold on a minute Nina.' She turned to look at him, wondering what he wanted. 'Ummm look....I just wanted to apologise if I've seemed a bit rough on everyone recently. I've been told that I'm not really helping towards a good environment here, and if it's made your life difficult with the others, then I'm sorry.'

Nina was surprised by what he said, it was unlike Jack to apologise for his behaviour or even to make any admission that the people he worked with had any feelings at all.... Nina corrected herself mentally. That wasn't fair, or true. Jack had been a very good guy to work for when she'd first started here – it had only been the last eighteen months or so that he'd become difficult.

'Well, I won't lie Jack – you've been pretty awkward sometimes. But we survived.' She hesitated but carried on anyway. 'You want to tell me what the problem is?'

For a second, he really considered telling her, admitting that he and Teri had separated. But wouldn't that be leading her on? Giving her some hope that there might be a repeat performance of that kiss somewhere in the future? Did she even want that? Did he?

'I know I've been hard on you all. I'm sorry. And...there's been no specific problem. Just a combination of things really. I'll try and be more understanding around here.'

Nina saw that he wasn't going to talk to her and inwardly cursed. She had to get him to open up to her somehow. She didn't like the distance between them, for any number of reasons, and somehow she had to get him to see her in a different way. Not just another employee. She said 'Thanks, we'd all appreciate that Jack,' and left, her mind turning over different possibilities of how to get closer to him.

Jack watched her go. He didn't like the way she kept appearing in his thoughts. He supposed it was because he knew she liked him now, there was no mistaking the message in that kiss or the way he caught her watching him sometimes. And he was lonely in that tiny apartment on his own, and he had to admit that having no physical contact with a woman was starting to drive him a little crazy. Not crazy enough to find someone else, he quickly reminded himself, it was just starting to prey on his mind a lot more often. He and Teri had been a very loving couple and...Jack forced himself to stop thinking about it. Thinking about it definitely didn't help. He was glad when the phone rang.

'Bauer.'

'It's Rebecca sir. George Mason is on his way in to see you, he'll be about five minutes. And I have your wife on the line.'

'Thanks, patch her through.' Jack waited to hear Teri's voice and wondered why she hadn't called his direct line.

'Jack?'

'Hi honey, how are you?'

'I'm just calling to see whether you're coming to get Kim this weekend.' She sounded cold.

'Yes of course I am. I'm tried to call last night but there was no reply. Did you take her out?'

'No she had a school trip to the theatre.' Jack noticed that Teri didn't offer any explanation for why she hadn't picked up the phone herself but he knew that pressing her would just make her mad. 'Anyway, could you take her out somewhere for the day on Saturday?'

'Sure, I guess so. Why? Don't you want me around the house?'

There was a horrible pause where Jack got the clear message that no, she did not want him around the house on Saturday.

'I just want a bit of time on my own Jack. I can't think when you're over here and Kim's not exactly making my life easy now you're gone. In fact, she's downright hostile sometimes. She blames me Jack, and it's not fair! I didn't bring this about!' Teri was getting agitated and Jack tried his best to calm her down.

'I know sweetheart, I know. I'll take her out and talk to her OK? But...Teri, when are you going to talk to me? It's been a month and you still won't even discuss me coming home...'

'Not now Jack! I mean it, you have to stop pressuring me. This isn't going to be fixed quickly and.....'

'But how can I fix it if you won't even see me! Teri...' Jack was getting agitated himself, and a little angry. If she wouldn't talk to him, how was he ever supposed to make it better?

'Jack! You're not listening to me! This is exactly what I'm talking about. Come and pick Kim up around lunchtime OK? And please don't call before then, I need some space alright?'

Jack mumbled an 'Alright' into the phone but she'd already hung up, leaving him holding the receiver and at a loss as to what to do. Things seemed to be getting worse, not better – and just when he thought that he was beginning to see past his problems too. And now Kim was acting up....he leant his elbows on the desk and ran his fingers through his hair. This whole situation was a mess and he couldn't seem to figure out a way past this one. He glanced down to the floor to see Mason approaching – great, just what he needed right now – and accidentally caught Nina's eye as she looked up at his office. They held each others gaze just a little longer than was normal, before Jack broke it to stand and shake Mason's hand.

Nina allowed a small smile to tug at her lips and turned back to her screen. Actually, things didn't seem to be going too badly at all, now she came to think of it.....


	13. Dealing With It Part 13

Dealing With It – Part 13

Teri entered the dark house with a smile on her face. She replayed the evening in her head again and again as she dropped her keys on the hall table and went into the kitchen to make a coffee. As it brewed, she leaned back against the counter and drifted back to the restaurant that Phil had taken her to – an intimate little place in the Valley with a French feel to it. Perfect for a romantic dinner.

She'd met Phil Parslow not long after she'd asked Jack to move out, probably about two weeks after. He'd knocked into her in a bookstore and they'd just hit it off straight away. Teri couldn't believe it when he'd asked for her number, and she felt bad for giving it to him – but he seemed really nice and she was in a particularly bad mood with Jack that day. She didn't really think he'd call anyway - but he had, three days later and she found herself agreeing to meet him for coffee that weekend.

It had been wonderful to have a relaxing time with someone that was easy to talk to. Phil was a doctor but he didn't talk about his work too much – he always seemed more interested in her. Teri had hesitated before telling him about Jack, what if he thought she was leading him on or playing with him? She had even toyed with the idea of not telling him about her estranged husband at all, but then decided that wouldn't be fair. And to her surprise, he'd been fine with it. He told her he understood and that if she decided to let Jack come back home then he'd stay away, if that was what she wanted.

The trouble was, she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She'd asked Jack to give her space and he had – but he still called to tell her he loved her and check that she was OK. And he made sure he saw her every weekend when he came to pick up Kim, it was like he was reminding her that he was still around. But how did she know if he'd changed or not? Teri supposed she should be spending more time with him, it was, after all, the only way to know for sure.

But there was Phil. He was uncomplicated and nice and easy to talk to. She knew he really liked her and she couldn't help but like him too – maybe more than like. Did she really want to allow Jack back into her life properly and live with the absences and moods and the pressure that he brought with him? Yes, she loved him. But somehow, it had just become too hard. They'd been married for sixteen years and there was still so much about him that she didn't know, so much he kept from her. It wouldn't be like that in a relationship with Phil, his life was open for all to see. An uncomplicated life was very appealing to Teri right now.

He had kissed her that night, for the first time. It had been tentative, as though he wasn't sure whether she'd accept it or not. For a split second, she almost hadn't, the thought 'This isn't Jack' had flashed across her mind. She ignored it and kissed him back. It was...nice. Gentle. She admitted to herself that there was none of the fiery passion that she got with Jack, but then, Jack was a fiery and passionate person. Phil was more sedate, and that reflected in his kisses.

Teri sighed and poured her coffee, the smile gone from her face. Was she going to tell Jack about Phil? Let him know that there was a contender for her affections? Or just leave it and see how things went? That was the more appealing of the two courses of action at the moment – how could she hurt Jack by telling him she may have found someone else? All of a sudden she found herself wondering if he was alright and whether he was coping with this separation. And she felt a little guilty too. Jack was always telling her that he still loved her....'I bet he's not thinking of seeing someone else...' Teri thought to herself as she went to sit in the den. 'Maybe I should end this with Phil. Maybe it's really not fair on Jack....'

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Jack left the bar with Nina feeling a little shaky – was it from the beer or was it nerves? He wasn't quite sure but he wasn't really in the mood to analyse his feelings right now. His mind was firmly on other things.

It was six weeks since Walsh had given him the assignment to build the case against the corrupt agents in CTU. He'd done the basic work alone for two weeks, taking his mind off Teri by throwing himself into the job. It had been a great relief to have something other than his personal problems to think about and as he worked harder and harder he found that the separation became a little less painful. He could look at it in a more objective way and he realised that he and Teri being together hadn't been working for a while. Yes, it was his fault and he accepted that totally – but Jack began to think that the time apart would really do them some good. He could get his head together properly and Teri could have a break from him. He had no doubt they'd sort it out eventually, but for the time being he could accept that she needed space. As long as it didn't last too long.

....He unconsciously found himself walking very close to Nina on the way back to their cars. So close that he could virtually taste the tension in the air, neither of them speaking because neither of them had to....

A problem had arisen however. After two weeks, Jack had done all the work he could do alone – he needed to bring someone else in on the case to help co-ordinate data and manage the files. As it was an internal investigation, it had to be kept quiet and so Jack had had to choose someone he could trust to keep their mouth shut. There had only been one name on the list and Nina had done a great job, working long hours and keeping everything in order for him while he put the case together.

....His left hand brushed her right as they walked. Without even thinking he gently grabbed her hand and interlocked his fingers with hers, marvelling at the sensation that shot up his arm at her warm touch....

They'd worked closely on the case for another two weeks before Jack finally caved and admitted to himself that he had feelings for Nina. Maybe it was the fact that she always looked so good, maybe it was because she was fun to be around as they worked late. Perhaps it was the way she kept catching his eye over her computer monitor...he couldn't help but feel attracted. The fact that he hadn't had sex in about four months probably helped too, Jack wasn't used to going without for so long.

....They reached their cars, which were parked side by side. Neither one of them dropped the other's hand. Jack stopped walking and Nina immediately turned to face him, standing so close that their bodies touched lightly, staring into each others eyes.....

Another fortnight went by while he struggled with himself over whether to ask her out for dinner or not. He couldn't stop thinking about Teri – but it was getting harder and harder to fight his desire for Nina. Finally, a week ago she had asked him whether Teri minded him working such long hours and he told her they'd separated. From the moment she heard that, the tension between them became almost unbearable. For two more days, they could barely talk in each other's presence, neither of them needed words to communicate what they wanted. It was almost painfully uncomfortable for them to be alone in the same room at work and they drew stares from their colleagues by the way they couldn't stop looking at each other, no matter how hard they tried not to...

...Jack couldn't hold off any longer. Still holding one of her hands, he slid the other one round into her hair and gently pulled her in for a light brush on her lips. Their foreheads almost touching, they looked into each others eyes again – and suddenly they were kissing with such passion that Nina gasped and they almost jumped apart. Jack broke it off and eyed her sexily, asking without speaking....she nodded. He grinned and kissed her again, gently forcing her lips open with his tongue, wrapping both arms around her and holding her so close that Nina wasn't sure if she was going to be able to stand up on her own when he let her go. She could do nothing but rest her hands on his shoulders and let go, give herself to him entirely...

They broke off, breathing heavily. Nina could feel his arousal as he held her close, leaving her in no doubt as to what was going to happen next. Not that there was any doubt anyway. Their faces were still almost touching when she whispered 'My place is closer...'

He nodded and kissed her neck, finding a spot so sensitive that her knees went weak and she gasped. Jack looked at her and smirked at the expression on her face. He leaned in and kissed her lips lightly before whispering huskily 'I'll follow you...'

She could do nothing but nod. Steadying herself against the roof of her car, she managed to get into the drivers seat and watch him as he walked round to his door, a sly grin on his face. She knew he liked the reaction he'd caused in her, and she grinned herself, thinking of all the things she could do to return the favour...

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They managed to keep their hands off each other all the way up Nina's path until they got to her front door. Then Jack wrapped his arms around her from behind and started kissing her neck again, making her go so weak that she couldn't find the keyhole with her key. After a couple of minutes of trying he raised his eyes and gently took the key from her hand, sliding it slowly into the lock, kissing her all the while.

As they moved through the door he was already unbuttoning her black shirt, as she turned off the alarm he was sliding it down over her shoulders and dropping it on the floor. His coat followed quickly, then Nina grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the stairs.

In the bedroom, he pulled her around and started kissing her with such desire that she couldn't help moaning as she fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. He removed her hands and just yanked the thing over his head, tousling his hair. He looked so sweet like that that Nina couldn't help but feel a flash of conscience.

'Jack, are you sure you...'

'Nina, be quiet.' He growled at her, pulling her into his arms and devouring her with soft kisses. She could feel his arousal through his pants, and slid her hands down his chest, brushing his stomach lightly with her fingertips and making his breathing heavy. She undid his belt and let his pants drop to the floor, while placing his hand on her breast.

Jack couldn't take it any more. He pushed her firmly but gently onto the bed, removing her skirt as he did so. Looking down at her in just her underwear, he had no thoughts but how much he wanted her. He gasped as she touched him, slowly and sensually, and neither of them could wait any longer.

The underwear was gone in a second and Nina pulled him close against her, marvelling at the feeling of his hard body against hers. They kissed deeply as he moved into position and she almost screamed when he finally eased his way inside. Jacks breath came in deep, ragged gasps as he moved and Nina was so weak with ecstasy that she couldn't even cry out, her head leaning back against the pillows, allowing him to do what he wanted.

The last shuddering gasps came too soon for both of them. Nina had never known such pleasure from a man and Jack couldn't believe he'd found such passion from someone who wasn't his wife, someone who seemed to fit with him so naturally that it almost scared him.

He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, savouring the feeling of being close to a woman again. He felt so relaxed that he didn't even think of Teri as he dozed off, just managing to plant a soft kiss on her lips before he drifted away.

Nina lay with her head on his chest, she found herself running her fingers down his torso. 'Am I falling for him?' she wondered. 'Can this ever happen?' All she knew was, she'd never felt like this about a man before. Never felt this safe, or comfortable. She'd got what she wanted, and it was more than she could ever have hoped for. The sensible part of her brain told her it couldn't last. But she'd pretend she wasn't who she was, for a while at least, and just enjoy it while she could.


	14. Dealing With It Part 14

Dealing With It – Part 14

Jack lay silently while Nina slept. He'd woken early and, never the easiest sleeper, he'd found himself unable to drop off again. He thought back to last night and couldn't stop a small smile of pleasure at the memory. It was kind of a relief to have broken the sexual tension that had been building between them for over a year now and he had to admit, it had been good. Better than good.

He looked over to where she lay curled up, with her back to him. She'd fallen asleep in his arms but had moved sometime during the night and there was clear distance between them now. Jack reached over and ran a finger softly down her back, carefully, so he didn't wake her up. There was so much he didn't know about Nina, he'd only seen her alone outside of work twice before this night. Neither of them socialized much with their colleagues, so he hadn't heard anyone else really talk about her either. 'Well, I'm the boss,' he reminded himself. 'No one would gossip to me anyway.'

He looked up at the ceiling again and thought about Teri. What the hell was she going to make of this? He had to tell her didn't he? He couldn't go back, knowing he'd slept with another woman and not tell her that. Jack sighed, and all the good feelings about the night before went away, leaving him feeling sick with guilt. Sure, he and Teri had separated. But nothing had been said about seeing other people and he knew she wouldn't have done what he just had. Would she even take him back at all though, whether she knew about Nina or not? She might decide to never let him come home. His insides clenched at the thought. No, he couldn't think that. He had to hold out hope.

But then...he looked at Nina's back again and felt even worse. Had he just used her for sex? Was he so lonely that he'd just taken what he could get...or was there more to it? He liked Nina, he knew that much, and he respected her immensely as well. She was so good at her job and so professional, and calm, and...damnit! Jack felt like sh!t and was all of a sudden too restless to just lie there. He slid out of bed without waking her and went downstairs to make a coffee.

He didn't want to stop seeing Nina. That's what it came down to and he had to admit it to himself. Oh sure, he'd go back to Teri in a heartbeat if she let him – but she hadn't let him yet and he didn't like being on his own. He wasn't used to it. And Nina was fun, and smart and sexy, she could get any guy she wanted. Jack was sure that she only wanted a casual thing with him, there was no way she'd waste herself on a married man, surely?

So why not? Why not keep seeing her? Jack rubbed a hand over his face and scratched at the stubble on his chin. If it was just a fling she wanted....oh hell, she might have only wanted a one night stand. He was obsessing. He turned to the coffee machine and poured a mug, then went to sit in the lounge. Play it by ear, that was the thing to do. She'd probably tell him it had been fun but that was it – and they'd be able to go back to who they were before. He put Nina out of his mind for the time being and starting wondering if Teri would actually talk to him this weekend.

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Nina waited until Jack got out of bed before opening her eyes. She'd felt him run that finger down her back and it had been all she could do to stop herself rolling over and leaping on him. But she'd pretended to be still asleep and was quite relieved when he finally got up and went downstairs. As soon as he did, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, her mind racing.

It had been incredible. Really incredible. She had never allowed herself to feel anything really special for a man before, so while sex in the past had been good, it was never mind-blowing. But it was different with Jack. She felt a pull towards him that was a completely new experience for her. It was scary – but intoxicating at the same time.

She remembered the way he'd felt when he grabbed her and the way he'd held her close afterwards. It had been so confusing, eventually she'd had to disentangle herself from his arms and sleep away from him. Being held like that was almost too much. Even now, she wanted to go and see him, just talk to him and kiss him. Spend some time with him. But...what if he was only interested in a one night stand? He was married – and he obviously still loved Teri. She was sure he'd go back to her as soon as he was allowed to.

He hadn't said a great deal about the separation, just that Teri had asked him to move out. Nina didn't know if there was another guy involved or whether Teri had fallen out of love with him or anything....maybe Jack had been treating her badly. But judging by Jacks high level of respect for people in general, she found that one hard to believe. Still, there wasn't any indication of what was going on, Nina didn't know enough about the situation to find any cracks and exploit them.

She wanted Jack. She had been attracted before last night and now it was a thousand times worse. And as for those.... 'extra curricular' activities at work – well, they needn't be an issue. There didn't seem to be much chance of her being activated fully any time soon, they would wait until she had the top job for that. For now they seemed to be content with any nuggets of information she tossed their way so there was no reason why that would get in the way of spending time with Jack. She didn't keep any evidence of her other life at her house, so it would be OK to have him here and....

Nina stopped herself. She was getting carried away. There was no indication yet whether he'd ever be coming back here again or not. Maybe he'd walk out in a few hours and go back to simply being her boss. She hoped not. More than anything, she hoped he wouldn't do that. She wanted to go and join him downstairs but something stopped her and she didn't move. If she went down, it might be all over. At least by staying here she could hold out hope that in the morning, they'd still be lovers, and he wouldn't leave like everyone else did.

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Teri sat in the den, coffee in her hands and her robe pulled tightly around her. She'd woken up and her first thought had been whether Jack was alright or not and then she hadn't been able to go back to sleep. Since Phil had kissed her the night before, she'd found herself unable to think of anything but her husband. She felt so guilty about what she'd done – partly because she'd kissed him back and partly because she'd really enjoyed it too. She liked Phil a lot but....well, he wasn't Jack. She'd rolled the situation around in her head so many times, looking for an answer, but so far, nothing.

She sighed and took a sip of coffee. She'd have to talk to Jack. She'd been putting it off and putting it off, waiting to see how things developed with Phil, waiting to see what Jack did, trying to sort out her own feelings. But there was only one way to figure out how to move on, and that was to see if Jack was getting any better. And if he was? Well....Phil would understand. He was a great guy and she really liked him a lot. But Teri couldn't pretend to love anyone but the man she'd been married to for all these years, and she had to give him a chance. Things could carry on the way they were if Jack still wasn't ready, but she should at least talk to him and find out how things were going. She missed him, that was the truth of it, and she finally felt like it was time they tried to put things back together again. It had been two months now after all. Teri grinned with relief at having come to something close to a decision.

'What are you smiling about?'

Teri jumped in shock and snapped her head around to see an annoyed looking Kim standing in the doorway, her arms folded tightly across her chest.

'What are you doing up honey? It's 5am.' Teri tried to sound light-hearted and friendly but she couldn't help but feel annoyed at the open hostility in her daughter's voice.

'I saw the light on. What are you doing?'

'I couldn't sleep.'

Kim smirked. 'Guilty conscience?'

Teri frowned. 'Why would you say that? And please don't use that tone of voice with me Kimberly, its not nice.'

'Mom, give me a break. You kick Dad out of the house, you're seeing another random guy and now you're sitting there grinning to yourself like everything's fine! Well it's not fine! Why are you doing this? When's Dad coming home?' Kim was almost shouting now.

Teri was stunned and couldn't say anything for a second, something that was not lost on Kim.

'You didn't know I knew about him, did you? Yeah well, you should be a little more careful about kissing him in the car with the light on – it wasn't hard to see you. And Susan's mom saw you at a restaurant with him last weekend. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is, having a friends Mom ask why you weren't with Dad?' Kim was really shouting now, her face was red and she was pointing a finger angrily at her mother.

'Kim...' Teri didn't know what to say. She'd been taken completely by surprise, she'd had no clue that Kim knew about Phil. She felt terrible that Kim had found out the way she had – and if she was honest with herself, she was sorry that she'd found out about it at all. 'Kim, I'm sorry honey. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to tell you about Phil because – well, it's nothing really. There's nothing to tell.'

Kim refolded her arms and looked disgusted. 'Nothing? So you'd do that sort of thing if Dad was here would you?'

'No!' Teri looked at her hostile young daughter and just felt sad. Kim had every right to be angry really, she couldn't blame her for feeling this way. 'No Kim, of course I wouldn't. Come and sit down, I want to talk to you.'

Kim glared for a minute, but she did eventually unfold her arms and stalk over to one of the chairs. She flung herself into it and stared at Teri, waiting to be convinced.

Teri leaned in towards Kim, her face sad and her voice soft. She really needed Kim to understand this. 'I didn't meet Phil very long ago. He and I are just spending some time together, that's all. There's nothing really going on – I love your father. You know I do Kim, and hopefully he'll be back with us soon. I want you to understand that we're doing everything we can to try and fix our problems.' Which wasn't strictly true, Teri admitted to herself, but it was better that Kim thought it was.

Kim relaxed a little but her tone was still hard when she asked 'If you're doing everything to fix it, why are you kissing another guy? Why isn't Dad here every night talking to you and working it out? It doesn't seem like you're trying very hard!'

'It's complicated Kim. We need some space from each other and if he were here all the time we wouldn't get that. But we both still love you more than anything and we'll do everything we can to be a family again, OK honey?'

Kim just stared at her, not buying any of it. Her disbelief was written all over her face and frankly, Teri couldn't blame her. She'd done a lame job of explaining things – but it was hard for her to even explain this stuff to herself, let alone a teenager.

'I'm going back to bed. This sucks. Can I ask Dad if I can sleep over at his place on the weekend?'

Teri tried not to let the hurt show on her face. 'I don't know if that's such a good idea Kim....' She saw the mutinous expression start to form on the pretty features and all of a sudden, felt too tired to deal with it. '...but I'll ask him, OK? If he's not working I can't see it being a problem.'

'Thanks.' Kim walked back to her room, leaving Teri feeling like she'd just gone five rounds with a heavyweight boxer. She couldn't believe that she'd been careless enough to let Kim find out about Phil, couldn't believe that she hadn't noticed before just how angry Kim was about all this. She hadn't even really thought about the consequences of what she was doing....well, at least one thing came out of all of this. It was time to start fixing things. Teri felt resolved for the first time in a long while. Even if she and Jack couldn't salvage the marriage, at least she'd know. It was time to stop running from it and start talking. She'd call him tomorrow.


End file.
